


Cynicism

by LouisSassAndAss



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-02
Updated: 2013-04-02
Packaged: 2017-12-07 06:07:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 32,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/745164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LouisSassAndAss/pseuds/LouisSassAndAss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(AU) After a particularly nasty break up, Harry Styles has decided that the whole idea of love is kind of bullshit, so he occupies his time with other things, namely, getting a job at the local pub New Hayvn 37. However also working there is Louis Tomlinson, a firm believe in the “Love Conquers All” and “Soulmates” ideas, who also just so happens to be, in Harry’s eyes, bloody perfect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

 

“BECAUSE THAT’S NOT THE POINT, ZAYN.” Harry spat across the room to his (soon to be ex) boyfriend. “Do you really think I give a flying FUCK about the sex?” Zayn opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again quickly as the younger boy’s eyes bore into him. “Of course not. I don’t care that you two fucked, I don’t even care that she was a SHE for Christ’s sake . It was the sneaking around. And they lying right to my face about where you were going and what doing.” Harry swallowed hard against the tears that were threatening to spill from his eyes, “But most of all it was you loving someone else more than me.”  
“I didn’t love her mor—” Zayn said, cutting off as Harry held up his hand to stop him.  
“Don’t obviously you didn’t love me or even respect me enough to not go off and fuck some tramp behind my back.”  
There was a long silence before Zayn finally spoke rubbing his fingers through his hair thoughtfully, “we both knew things were dying out Hazza…”   
And Harry stared at him in complete bewilderment because, no, he didn’t know that at all, because if anything, he seemed to love the brown-eyed boy more and more every day.   
“Don’t call me that.” Harry practically whispered back, unable to find the voice to stop the one person he had cared about the most from the one thing he had most loved to hear.  
“You know I wish it hadn’t been like this.” Zayn almost pleaded, but Harry just continued to stare at him coldly.  
“Hadn’t been like what Zayn?” Harry’s face finally breaking into something less like coldness and more like anger, “Been like you toying with my emotions? Been like me falling absolutely in love with you and you not even caring before running around by back with some whore FOR 3 MONTHS? Been like me, doing everything I COULD to keep you happy and it never being enough? What then Zayn, what would you rather it have been like, because it seems to me like you sure as hell got the good side of this deal.”

“I did love you, Harry—“

“Did?” Harry cut him off, the anger in his eyes melting back into hurt.

“I mean, do, I just, I don’t know, Haz- Harry.”

“Just one last question,” Harry knew he had to ask, even if he didn’t want the answer, “did you ever tell her you loved her?”

“Well. . ,” Zayn said after what seemed to Harry like hours, “I never meant it.” And then Harry couldn’t hold the tears back and longer. He began sobbing brokenly, no longer feeling any need to appear strong in front of the man who had broken him.

“You need to leave Zayn.” He managed through his tears.

“Yeah, alright.” Zayn mumbled, walking towards Harry’s front door, “I’ll, uh, see you around, Harry.”

And with that he was gone, and Harry was left alone feeling empty and too tired to try and feel else anything.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Harry just stared at his clock as the time rolled over from 6:59 to 7:00 and music began to blare from it, insisting he should “wake up” now. But that wasn’t an issue for the curly haired boy, as he hadn’t really slept much in the few weeks since he found out about Zayn and Amanda. So he simply pressed the button to turn off the sound that was attacking his ears, and continued to stare blankly at the clock, contemplating the idea of oblivion, and what time really meant in the cosmic scheme of things, and most of all, why love was bullshit. Eventually his sister Gemma burst into the room to get him out of bed, which she did by pulling the blankets completely off of him bed.

“OI!” Harry yelled covering himself with a pillow as he had a habit of sleeping nude.

“For God’s sake, Haz!” Gemma roared back walking back out the room, but still on the other side of the thin door, “Wear some fucking pyjamas, you twat!”

“How ‘bout don’t barge into my room then!” he suggested loudly, as he walked to his drawers to find something to throw on.

“well, it’s nearly half seven, and you said you have a job interview today at 8, so I assumed you might want to get up.” Gemma said, no longer yelling, but her voice still full or sarcasm.

“Shit,” Harry mumbled to himself as he finally threw on a plain grey V-neck and some skinny jeans, “it’s the 19th already??” he asked to no one in particular as Gemma had already walked away. He’d had a hard enough time reminding himself he needed to eat on a semi-regular basis, much less keeping track of what bloody day of the month it was. He checked his phone, out of habit and was rewarded with a sharp pain in his stomach at the last conversation. It was with Zayn the morning before they’d broken up,

_Hey Hazza, we should talk…_

**Sure thing, babe, bout what? Xx** Harry had sent in reply, ignoring the voice in his head that had told him “we need to talk” is never a good thing.

_Erm, I’ll come over there later today, alright?_

**Kay love, see you soon :)xx**

 Those were the last words he’d said, last time to make a fool out of himself. The memory of how those X’s would soon be laughing in his face made his stomach churn. And yet he still couldn’t bring himself to delete the messages.

            When he finally made his way downstairs, his mum had just pulled some toast out of the toaster for him, ‘Food, right, that’s something I need to do, huh?’ he thought as she handed him the plate he eyes full of something between sympathy and annoyance.

            “You, uh, feeling any better sweetheart?” Anne asked, as she sat next to him at the counter.

            “You could say that,” Harry mumbled into his toast, “I’m eating aren’t I?”

            “Alright, I’m fucking done with this shit.” Anne said slamming down her fork, causing Harry to whip around and stare at her like she’s just punched a kitten.

            “Uhm, what?” Harry managed to sputter.

            “It’s been 3 weeks,” She sighed, “I understand grieving, and I know how much Zayn,” Harry jumped a little, as everyone in the house had avoided that name recentely, “meant to you, but come on darling, I can’t stand seeing you like this. He was a right asshole that NEVER treated you as well as he should have, and I, for one, am relieved that you can starting caring about yourself first for once.”  
            “What’s that supposed to mean?” Harry said now standing up to face his mum.  
            “It means you’ve spent so long with him caring about him and never thinking about yourself,” She said simply, “and when you’re in a great relationship, that’s fine, because the other person cares more about you than themselves, but that’s not how it was, and you know that.” Harry couldn’t believe how blunt his mother was being about it, and wasn’t sure he wanted to hear it, so he stormed out the front door. He made his way down the street toward the restaurant he was to be interviewing at in— he checked his phone— fuck, 9 minutes.  
            He hurried up to the door with about 2 minutes to spare, checking himself over one last time before walking inside. It was a bigger than it had seemed in the outside as the room extended much farther towards the back than one would assume. The walls were a deep burgundy color that made the gold and brown of the tables seems to pop, but most noticeable was the small stage that was brown but lined round the front in gold ropes.  
“HEY! KID!” a voice yelled causing Harry to whip around towards the bar where stood a tan girl with curly hair that was tied up to keep it out of her face. “you’re Harry right?” she asked, hopping up onto the bar to swing her legs over so she was now on the same side as the boy.  
“Uhm, yeah,” Harry said reaching out to shake her hand  
“I’m Danielle, or Dani, whatever floats your boat, mate.”  
“So, am I, err, gonna be interviewing with you, or…?”  
“Yeah, see there’s the thing, you’re the only person who applied that wasn’t complete shit, and I kind of need another waiter, like, uh, tomorrow, because right now it’s just me and Lou, and god knows we can’t do the bar and tables just the two of us, and the bloody bartender that work her before just up and left without any warning or anything and—”  
“Dani?” Harry interrupted her.  
“Uh, yeah?”  
“does this mean I got the job?” he asked not wanting to seem to forward, but that’s what it seemed like she’d been saying.  
Danielle barked with laugher causing some of her curls to break free from the hair tie, “yeah, you got the job sweetheart.” she smiled at him, “When can you start?”  
“Erm, tonight?”  
“Good. GOOD. GRAND. Because I am in, like, dire need of some help.” she laughed, “Can you be back here at 6?”  
“Yes I can,” Harry said almost mesmerized by her smile. Danielle was classically good looking, and, if Harry’d had any interest in girls, she would’ve been quite attractive. “quick question though,” he said as Dani was about to turn back to the bar,” who’s ‘Lou?’”  
Danielle grinned, “the other waiter-slash-bartender-slash-entertainment-slash-fulltime-asshole. You’ll meet him tonight,” she laughed and Harry thought he heard he mumble “God help you” under her breath as she walked away, but he couldn’t have been sure.  
  
—  
  
“How’d the interview go?” Gemma and his mother asked as soon as Harry got through the door.  
“Uhm fine? I got the job, I guess?” The two girls looked at each other and then back at Harry before Gemma finally spoke for the both of them,  
“The fuck do you mean ‘you guess,’ what does that even mean??”  
“Uh, there wasn’t really an interview, but I start tonight.”  
It took about 10 seconds before it finally sank in.  
“Oh congratulations darling!” his mum pulled him into a tight hug that wasn’t particularly reciprocated but she kept on anyway.  
“Yeah, maybe you’ll quit being such a bother now that you have your own money.” Gemma said trying to sound bitter but unable to hide the excitement for her little brother.  
“Eh, piss off.” Harry smiled back at her, “alright well, I’m gonna go get ready and stuff…”  
“What time do you work? Maybe Gem and I can come in and see you in action.” Anne suggested knowing exactly how her son would respond,  
“NOOO. NO.NO.NO.NO. I swear to God, mum, if you come in tonight, I will fucking quit.”  
“HEY. Watch your fucking mouth young man!” she yelled back, smirking,  at the curl haired boy.  
“Oh, I’m so sorry Lady Anne of Hipocrasy.”He said bowing in an extremely exaggerative fashion.   
“You see!” she hugged him again, “This. I’ve missed THIS. THIS is what has been missing for the past few weeks.”  
“Okay mum,” Harry rolled his eyes actually hugging her back this time, “I think we’re done with the lovefest.” he said starting towards the stairs, “Oh and mum?”  
“Yes?” Anne expecting some smart ass remark again  
“Thank you.” and he smiled softly, then turned and ran to his room to get ready for the day.


	3. Chapter 3

 

Harry buttoned the final button on his dress shirt and look at himself in his mirror one final time. He was wearing the only white dress shirt he owned as he’d only been told this morning he would be needing one for work this morning. The shirt was joined by a pair of black slacks and, as there was nowhere he could  find dress shoes on such short notice, a pair of black Converse. He ran his fingers through his curls and threw his phone into his pocket and he walked out the door the clock by the door reading 5:23.

Turning the last corner before he was to New Hayvn 37, Harry suddenly started feeling nervous. Because, it was his first day of work, and he didn’t really know much about the place or the people he’d be working with. Danielle seemed nice and all, but she was still a stranger. But he didn’t have very much time to be nervous as he was just about to walk through the front door. He took one final deep breath pushing inside, his glance at the bar where Dani had last been catching sight of the bluest blue he’d ever made eye contact with.  
  
—Louis POV—  
            It just wasn’t fair. Louis couldn’t understand why there were guys that could possibly be that attractive in a plain white button up, but none the less, this curly-haired bloke had the top two buttons undone in a way that was tasteful but still showed off his delicious creamy collarbones. After much longer than it should have been, Louis realized he’d been blatantly staring at the boy, however, this boy seemed to be staring right back in a way that made Louis feel the need to fix his hair and make sure his clothes looked fine. As he made his way over to the bar where Louis was, the blue eyed lady’s heart began to race.

“Erm, hi,” his gravelly voice not matching his innocent green eyes, “I’m Harry?” he said almost like he wasn’t sure himself.

“I’m Louis,” the shorter boy chuckled, “What can I do you for?” he said turning back to the assorted alcohols that lined the cabinets

“Oh, no,” Harry laughed awkwardly, “I’m the new waiter.”

“Really?” Louis remembered that Dani had told him earlier that they were hiring on one new person. He looked the boy over, he’d been dresses in the delicious shirt, pants that looked as if they were a little too short, and— bless his heart— converse. “didn’t find out you were working until this morning, huh?” the taller boy just nodded, “yeah, she can be a right unpredictable one, so, prepare for that. But welcome aboard! We’ve need more help for AGGGEEESSS.”

“Oh Please,” Dani said walking into sight from the kitchen and over to the bar where the two boys stood on opposite side, “Brian left less than two weeks ago.”

“Exaaaaaactly,” Louis pouted, “Two weeks I’ve been working my perfect little arse,” he motioned towards it to add emphasis, catching the way Harry’s eyes grew big and blushed a bit at the sight, “off, working double shifts for TWO WEEKS.”

“Well, now Harry’s here,” she said grabbing the bottle of Jack from the shelf and pouring three shots, “so here’s to making this work so I don’t have to fire you,” she gestured at Harry, “and Louis might stop whining finally.” She slid the other two shots towards the boys who simply stared at the other one’s drink, until finally Harry threw his back, and Louis followed, hoping to get the strength he knew he would need to get through a night of desperately trying not to stare at the curly-haired boy that made his unsure of too many things. However, there was one thing he WAS sure of, he knew exactly what song he’s be singing that night.

—Harry’s POV—

Pretty. What a terrible word to describe a bloke. But Harry could think of no word that fit Louis more perfectly. Even as he poured drinks and laughed, there was something about him, about his slim body, and perfectly mussed hair, and narrow jaw line, that was just, well, pretty. Harry, throughout his shift, caught himself staring at the bartender and, often enough to make Harry blush, caught Louis staring back.

At about half seven, a man, who Harry soon found from Dani’s squeal was called Liam, walked in and found his way to the bar, talking to Louis as if they’d know each other for years. Danielle made her way over and, wrapping her arms around his waist, told him about the “adorable brand new boy” she’d brought in that night, which Harry assumed to be him.

“Haaarryy!” Dani called as the tall lad made his way over to her, “This is Liam.” She smiled and moved one of the arms wrapped around his waist up to mess with his hair.

“Hello,” Liam smiled at Harry, who just nodded in return, and then turned around so that he was now facing Danielle, “I told you don’t touch my hair!” He said with mock annoyance before he began tickling her until she release her grasp on his hair and his waist. “Well, anyway, I just wanted to stop in and say hi before class, I really do have to be going now though,” he explained, and then turned to the youngest of them saying, “It was nice to meet you though Harry, I hope you can deal with these two.”

“I hope so too.” Harry mumbled to himself as he walked back to table 4 who, as they continued to point out, though he had explained that it had to brew,  _‘STILL hadn’t gotten that iced tea.’_

About 2 hours of stolen glances and excuses to go to the bar later, Harry saw Louis disappear from the bar, slightly to the younger boy’s concern, and Danielle had taken his spot. Harry made his way over to (very casually ) ask where Lou had gone.

“Hello there darling,” Dani smiled at Harry in a way that made him feel like he could trust her with his life

“Hey there, how’s your night been?” Harry asked, trying to make the conversation flow naturally to Lou’s whereabouts

“Good,” She laughed to herself, “Seeing Li always helps, too.”

“Awwwwww,” Harry smiled, hiding his bitterness, “You guys are like the picture of a perfect couple.”

“Coup-HA. Li and I? Oh no, haha, no he’s like my brother, I mean we tried that once, but, we’re much better as best friends, you know,” She continued laughing.

“Oh really? ‘Cause it seem like you two are really—“ but whatever he was about to say was cut off when Louis appeared on-stage with a guitar around his neck. He sat on a stool, and was lit up by one really dull, really dirty spot light, as well as the half of the house lights which weren’t turned off.

“Hello everyone,” Louis smiled, looking, to Harry, like that was exactly where he belonged, on stage making people’s hearts flutter with just the sound of his voice (or maybe that was just Harry?). “I’m gonna sing a song tonight that’s been being requested for quite a while now, so, I hope you all like it.” And then he began to strum, and Harry was glad the spotlight wasn’t on him, because he had turned beat red, but at the same time sent a rush through him that just wouldn’t quit.

_I’ve just seen a face,_

_I can’t forget the time or place_

_That we’d just met, she’s just the girl for me_

_And I want all the world to see we’ve met_

_Mhm hm hm hm._

Harry was just being silly, Louis even said that people had been requesting this for a long time, he must have had this planned in advance.

_Had it been another day_

_I might have looked the other way_

_But I had never been aware_

_And as it is I dream of her tonight_

_Li Di Di Dada Di  
  
_

_Falling, yes I am falling_

_And she keeps calling me back again_

Putting all thoughts of the meaning aside, Louis was simply incredible, never pitchy or breathy, even in the parts where he was just humming. It was just smooth and simple

_I have never known_

_The likes of this, I’ve been alone_

_And I have missed things and kept out of sight_

_But other girls were never quite like this_

_Mhmmmhmmhm_

Harry couldn’t have imagined that, with that hum, Louis had looked directly over to him and winked, causing his face to grow even hotter.

 

_Falling, yes I am falling_

_And she keeps calling me back again_

_I’ve just seen a face_

_I can t forget the time or place_

_And we’d just met, she’s just the girl for me_

_And I want all the world to see we’ve met_

_Na na na na na na_

_Falling, yes I am falling_

_And she keeps calling me back again_

_Falling, yes I am falling_

_And she keeps calling me back again_

_Falling, yes I am falling_

_And he_ (Harry could have SWORN he heard  **HE** that last time) _keeps calling me back again_

And then the lights came down, but Harry never did

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics are I've Just Seen a Face by The Beatles.


	4. Chapter 4

 

When Louis walked out of the pub when his shift ended at 2, he heard someone humming the Beatles’ song he’d sung earlier that night.  
“I take it you liked it then?” Harry whipped his heard around to see it was Louis who was walking out the same back door he just had.  
“Actually,” Harry said, “It was fucking incredible, mate.”  
Louis smiled and blushed a little, “Thank you.” he muttered uncharacteristically quite for the boy. Harry turned around and was about to walk out of the car park when Louis spoke up again, “wait, you’re not walking are you?”  
“Uh, yeah, I was planning on it,” Harry replied  
“it’s freezing!! No way, let me give you a ride at least,”  
“No, really you don’t have to, it’s not that f-f-far,” but on the last word Harry’s  body betrayed him, and started shivering.  
“Mhmm, Really?” Louis said opening the passenger side door for the taller boy.  
“Alright,” Harry said getting into the car, “Thanks, I owe you one.”  
 _I can think of a way you could pay me back right now_  
“No problem,” Louis smiled before looking over at him, forcing down the urge to literally fuck him into tomorrow right then and there, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”  
“What?” Harry said unbuttoning the last button on his shirt, before pulling it off completely, “This collar is fucking itchy,” Louis almost crashed staring at the younger boy’s sculpted stomach and GOD those collarbones, what he wouldn’t give to see those collarbones littered with purple and blue lovebites and—  
“See something you like?” Harry smirked, yes, Louis thought, quite a bit actually, he thought, blushing like crazy, “Just keep your eyes on the road, babe.” Harry said pulling a purple Jack Wills hoodie on, making Louis almost groan at the loss of bare skin. Matching the internal groan, his stomach grumbled loud enough that Harry chuckled, “Did you not eat yet?”  
“Uhm, no, I was working, duh, mind if I go and pick something up before I drop you off?”  
“It’s two in the morning, mate.” The taller lad said glancing at his phone.  
“Yeah? So? Is that a yes or no?”  
“Ermm, yeah alright.” Harry finally agreed After seeming to weigh every fucking option, “where’s still open?” he said fighting back a yawn.  
“Uh. The entirety of London?”  
“We are NOT driving into fucking London tonight.”  
“Awwww,” Louis pouted constantly looking over to Harry to show him his puppy face, “Plleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaasssssseeee? There’s no traffic—”  
“No traffic, because it’s two in the morning.” Harry interjected.  
“No traffic so it won’t even take that long.” and Louis knew he was right about that, in normal traffic the trip from Brentwood to central London took 45 minutes, but it wouldn’t take more than 15 or 20 now, and God, Louis just wanted an excuse to spend some extra time with this boy.  
“Ughh, fine, but don’t be surprised when I fall asleep on you” Harry said, emphasizing his point with a yawn. And so they drove into London, which was very much still awake, talking about anything and everything from how Louis gets his hair to look so neat and messy at the same time to “The 17 Reasons Why Harry Styles Should Continue To Wear Converse To Work Every Day.” After finding somewhere to park, the boys got out and began to walk around in search of something to eat.  
“Oh!” Louis said paying the man for the pizza he’d just bought, “I thought of a reason 18.”  
“Oh yeah?” Harry chuckled and took a bite out of his candy floss, “Enlighten me.”  
“You don’t have to change shoes after work before you go into London.”  
“Is that the plan now?” Harry grinned at the older boy that was highly aware of how close they were, and how green his eyes were, “Kidnap me and take me to London every night?”  
“Oh please, kidnapping, you would have frozen your ass off, had I not saved you.” Harry, didn’t respond, but just kept looking at the London Eye, like it held some deep dark ghosts of his, “Hey,” Louis insisted softly stepping a little closer. Harry’s eyes flickered back to the wheel once more and then fixed on Lou’s own,  
“Hi.” he almost sighed.  
“I should probably get you home, huh?” the smaller boy said unconvincingly, staring right back into those green orbs.  
“Hmm? oh, yeah,” Harry said breaking the eye contact, pulling out his phone to check the time, which read 3:27, “Holy shit, it’s like 3:30, and I might actually have to interact with the world tomorrow.”  
“Come on,” Louis laughed.  
  
—  
  
“Where do you live?” Louis asked as soon as they’d officially left London  
“Right down the street from the pub,” Harry mumbled, “274 Oak Grove.” Louis nodded, knowing exactly where that was as it was only two blocks from his own home.  
“You’re not falling asleep on me, are you Haz?” Louis said with a little smirk.  
“So. Knackered.” was Harry’s only reply before Louis noticed his breath even out into what was almost a purr. 10 minutes later they pulled up outside of 274 Oak Grove, a two story house, that looked almost identical to all the other ones on the tract, and in any London suburb for that matter.  
Louis turned to Harry prepared to wake him, but he just couldn’t bring himself do it when he actually saw the boy laying there. It would be practically a crime to wake that face from what ever pleasantries his dreams brought him. Even in sleep, his lips seemed to pour a little, making the look even softer and larger than the normally did. And then it just happened, one second Lou was wondering what they’d taste like, and the next he was leaning in and pressing his own to them. And for a split second he was glad he had done it, because the curly-haired boy tasted like whiskey and candy floss and, well Harry.  
  
—Harry’s POV—  
At first the only thing he could think was how nice it felt being pulled out of his slumber by those lips. And before his mind could actually register what was happening he was starting to kiss back. It was just like when he was woken up like this by Zay— No. He pulled away from Louis in almost panic. This wasn’t okay. Thoughts of the HIM had already gutted him once tonight, at the sight of the London Eye, where, a week into their relationship, they’d rode until they were all the way to the top and had their first kiss. No. He was done with that. He looked down at Louis, who looked as if he’d just been caught stealing the last cookie, which he would have laughed at, had he not been so fucking panicked about how much he wanted to kiss him back.  
“What the fuck was that.” Harry practically hissed.  
“I don’t know, I just, didn’t even mean for that to really happen, and I, well, uh,” Louis began rambling, “I like you, like, fancy you, and it kind of seemed like tonight, I dunno, you might have felt like that too, but I guess not, and I mean, I don’t even know you’re not straight and I’m such am idiot, and oh God, I’m so sorry—”  
“Lou,” Harry said softly, “I like you too, I’m just not in the position to be kissing anyone right now.”  
“Oh,” louis looked confused, “well, erm, why not?”  
“Long story,” Harry huffed hoping to just let that part of his life die.  
“Okay,” Louis smiled, patting Harry’s knee, “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”  
“Thanks. Er, for the ride home.” Harry managed to sputter, as it was really hard to think clearly when the entirety of his willpower was being used to ignore the fluttering in his stomach at the boy’s simple contact. With that, he got out of the car and ran up to his home, only turning back when he was walking through the door, to see the older boy smirking as he drove around the corner.  
 _No._  he thought, falling back against the front door, ignoring his heart thumping in his chest,  _you know what the smirk means, he’s just going to fuck you over again. Love’s bullshit. He’ll just pretend he wants to be with you until you give him what he wants_   Harry shuttered thinking of what Zayn had taken from him, or rather what he had  **given** him.  No. That was one of the things he still couldn’t bring himself to think about, and he wasn’t going to start now, when all he really wanted to do was go to bed and never think about one single boy again. So, after a large mental battle over whether it was worth it to walk up the stairs at all, he found his way, fully clothed and unbathed, into his bed where he proceeded to spend e next hour wide awake, thinking of nothing but those blue orbs and the lips that went with, before finally drifting off into a dreamless sleep, that he could not have been more grateful for.


	5. Chapter 5

“Good night?” Anne asked smirking at Harry as he entered the kitchen, hair stuck to one side of his face, still in his work clothes.

“Piss off,” was all he was able to manage back, as he walked over and grabbed the cup or tea his mum had made him.  
She just shrugged, “Hey, it’s just usually the sign of a good one when mysterious boys bring you home at 4 in the morning.”  
That tea was too hot to drink anyway.  
“H-how,” Harry sputtered trying to clean up the tea he’s just spit all over the counter, “How’d you know about that?”  
“Oh please, I know about everything that goes on in this house.”  
“Well, not everythi-“  
“Gemma keeps her bong on the top shelf in her closet, but her weed in the side drawer next to her bed, you keep a box of condoms in the third drawer of your dresser.”  
“What.” Harry felt all the blood drain out of his face. “No, really, what.”  
“Just trying to prove a point.” she smiled back at him innocently, “So, who’s this guy?” she asked lightly.  
“No, no, no, you cant just say things like that and then try to move right along.”  
“Say things like what, dear?” she asked taking a bite from her toast.  
“seriously?” Harry just stared at his mother who was wearing an expression of mock confusion, “You just-, I don’t-, wait, wha- His name’s Louis, he works at New Hayvn with me.” he sighed in defeat.  
“Mhmmm, and why has he bringing you home at 4 in the morning?”  
“Uhmm, we got dinner and then he drove me home,” he admitted, careful to leave out the driving into London.  
“Okay,” she laughed, rolling her eyes, “Just, uh, be careful, okay?”  
“MOM. I don’t want to have this conversation again!” Harry shuttered remembering how, as his dad was gone, she’d had to give him ‘the talk.’  
“That is not what I meant! I just don’t want to see you get hurt again…”  
“I understand mom, but it’s not like that this time,” and it wasn’t, it never would be. Harry knew all too well how much it hurt, and how selfish people were, and was more than reluctant to fall into that again.  
“Alright dear,” she hugged him, “Oh, and you left you phone down here, and it went off like 40 times.”  
“What?” he asked grabbing the phone from his mom, seeing that the time read 12:47, and he had six missed calls and 4 texts, “Oh fuck Niall, we were supposed to hang out today, fuckfuckfuck.” He called the blonde boy who answered on the 3 ring.  
“Where the FUCK have you been? Didja fall off the face of the planet or something” Were his first words in the thick Irish accent Harry had come to love.  
“Hey, no, sorry, I just woke up.”  
“Mate, it’s almost 1 o’clock. The hell did you do last night?”  
“Oh, erm, I forgot to tell you, I got a job.”  
“WHAT? When? Where? You know what actually, just get ready and come over, you can tell me here, oh, also were hanging out with a guy I met in my music comp class, hope you don’t mind.”  
Harry laughed, “Glad my input in so important to what we do. See you later.”  
“Bye.” with that Harry turned around and ran up the stairs to get ready as quick as he could. He managed to shower, put on clothes and be out the door, (with nothing more that an “Off to Ni’s!” to his mum,) in 15 minutes. Making his way the two blocks over, he knocked on Niall’s door only to be greet by a “Let your own damn self in, took you long enough!” from inside. He opened the door and made his way to the living room where he knew the blonde boy was sure to be sat in front of the TV. When he walked in the first thing that caught his eye was not the blonde, but a head on brown waves.  
“Liam??”  
The older boy whipped around, “Harry? Wha- erm, what are you doing here?”  
“Uhmmm, do you two know each other?” Niall said after a bit of silence, thoroughly confused.  
“Yeah, he’s ‘friends,’” Harry winked at Niall, “with my new boss.”  
“Friends? What do you mean, friends??” Niall asked directed towards Liam with something Harry was sure had to be jealousy.  
“God, Harry, seriously, she’s my best mate, nothing else.”  
“Mhmmm, ohhhhhkay.”  
“Well speaking of which, how’d you night go with Lou?” Liam asked with a smirk.  
“Lou? Lou who?” The Irish lad now had literally no idea what was going on.”  
“Louis’ just this guy that works at the pub with me, he—”  
“WAIT.” Niall yelled cutting Harry off, “You got a job at a PUB and I wasn’t the first person you told?? I’m hurt Harold.” feigning a look of betrayal.  
“Oh come off it, I didn’t know until yesterday morning, and last night I started, so.”  
“Whatever, anyway, this guy, Lou?” his eyes shot back and forth between Harry and Liam not knowing which one would talk.  
“Yeah, he’s a bartender at New Hayvn.”  
“And what happened last night? Is that why you weren’t up until 1?”  
“Oooooo” Liam said like a teenage girl, causing Harry to blush a bit, “You two stayed out late last night?”  
“NO.” Harry groaned, “It was cold so he gave me a ride home, I woke up late becauseI I didn’t even get off work until 2.”  
“Aawwwwww, Hazza that’s so cuutteeeeeeee.” the blonde teased, “Did he give you a little goodnight kiss, too.” he said falling back into the couch (conspicuously close to Liam) in a fit of laughter.  
“What, Uhm, no.” Harry tried to sound annoyed, but faltered just a little bit, and Niall caught it.  
“Wait, what? He really did?” he said staring at Harry, causing the curly-haired boy to blush even more.  
“Oh my God, he did!” Liam yelled smacking Niall’s knee, “Holy shit!”  
But Niall’s face was still frozen on Harry, worry in his eyes, “Are you okay mate?” he asked, knowing Harry would understand.  
“I don’t know, man. It,” he sighed, “I just don’t know.”  
“Wait, like you didn’t want it?” Liam piped up, confused as Niall had been prior.  
“No, but I shouldn’t have wanted it.” Harry shook his head, trying to clear away the thoughts that were swarming.  
“…”  
“…”  
“…”  
“Well,” Liam finally asked breaking the silence, “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” and in that moment Harry felt like he had known Liam for his whole life, and could trust him with anything, and as much as anything he was tired of trying to make excuses, so he told him everything, about falling in love, about knowing he was being cheated on and not wanting to believe it, and finally about Zayn breaking up with him.  
“Well, I’m sorry mate,” Liam said once Harry had finished, “But you cant just give up.” he stared right into the younger boy’s eyes, “Love can hurt, love can burn, but you know what? Once you find someone, the right someone, none of that even matters.”  
“That’s bullshit.” Harry mumbled. But Liam pretended not to hear him and just stood up from the couch, leaving a slightly hurt looking Niall.  
“Right, I’ve gotta go, see ya Niall.” he said down at the blonde boy who was now close enough for a hug, but just barely, so he reached his arms out any way, but at lithe last second decided against it, settling on a (very awkward) high five.  
“Ermm, alright, see you later then.” Niall muttered looking anywhere but Liams eyes, which were now filled with confusion.  
“Bye!” Harry yelled, almost making the two jump, as they apparently forgotten he was there.  
“Oh, uh,” Liam rubbed his neck, his ears turning red, “bye Harry.” Liam smiled, and walked out the door with one look back at Niall who, being the least subtle human being on the planet, had turned bright red.  
“Soooooo,” Harry started as soon as Liam was out the door, “What’s going on there?”  
“Nothing!” Niall replied a little to quickly, and turned (how was that even possible?) a deeper shade of red.  
“Oh puuuuhhlleeaaasseeee.” Harry plopped back onto the couch.  
“I mean, he’s nice and fit, God is he fit,” Niall, sat down next to Harry, “But, like you were saying, he’s probably into that girl Danielle, and I think he’s straight anyway.”  
“Whatever man, I just think, why not go for it whi-”  
 _BzzzzzzzzzzzBzzzz  
_ Niall just raised an eyebrow as Harry took his phone from his pocket, to see a new text from an unknown number. “Do you know who this is?” He showed it to Niall who just shook his head, as he turned his phone back and opened the message up.

             **Hi, is this Harry?**  
             _Erm, yeah, who’s this?_ Harry typed out while a confused Niall continued to stare at him.  
“I’ve no fucking clue mate.” Was all he had to offer his Irish friend before the phone buzzed again.

**OH THANK GOD. It’s Louis, uhm, from work, I uh, got your number from Dani.**

Harry’s face lit up, causing Niall to snatch his phone. “Oh deeeaaarr. You’ve got it bad.” Niall groaned, throw the phone back.   
“Shuddup.” Harry mumbled, too focused on replying.

             _Oh, hey, did you need something?_

“Wow.” Niall said from over Harry’s shoulder which cause the younger boy to jump, “You’re kind of a twat you know that?”   
“Excuse me?”   
“This guy who might actually car-“

“No one actually cares.” Harry interjected.   
“Shut up.” Niall warned, “This guy who might actually care about you texts you nicely and you ask ‘Do you need something?’”

**Actually yeah, haha, I was wondering if you could pick up my shift tonight? 8 to close? :S**

“See?” Harry motioned at the phone, “he just wanted me to take his shift.”   
“Whatever, ‘why not just go for it’” Niall said mocking Harry’s advise to him earlier.  
“Know what babe? I will when you do.” Harry said before turning his attention back to the screen.

             _Yeah, sure :) A little last minute though, eh?_

**Thank you so much, babe! Xx And yeah, I would explain but my excuse is super lame.**

“’Babe’” Niall smirked.

             _Well now I HAVE to know. X_

“Ooooo, he gets a kiss now?”   
“Yes thank you Mr. Horan, for narrating my conversation, tosser.”

**Honestly, I have to go to my sister’s dance recital; I kind of promised her I’d go… :x I’m such a loser.**

Harry’s heart would have melted then and there had he not made sure to keep it locked in a carbonite bath since Zayn left.

             _Nah, I actually think that’s sweet._

“I retract my earlier ‘kind of a twat’ statement.” Niall said poking him in the stomach.  
“Shut. Up.” Harry almost growled back, not sure if he was angry at Niall or himself. This time his phone buzzed twice, once telling him he had a new message from ‘Louis from work” and another telling him his inbox was full.

**Well, I’ll talk to you later then, Haz, thanks again :) x**

So, after reading it (but before the butterflies in his stomach had died down) he scrolled down his inbox that was full of old messages from Zayn that he’s never had the heart to delete. And he deleted them all.

 

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

 

“THAT MOTHERFUCKER DID WHAT?!??” Dani yelled at Harry, who was sat awkwardly in the break room, waiting for his —Louis’— shift to start.

“Uhm, it’s no big deal, I wasn’t doing anything tonight anyway,”  
“No, no, I don’t care about him imposing on you, I mean you could have said no.” she rubbed her temple, “now I don’t have anyone performing tonight, he’s the only one available on Thursday nights.”  
“I can sing.”   
 _MORON._  
“Really?” Dani asked, hopefully.  
 _No, no I was totally kidding, tell her you’re sick, or literally tone deaf_  
“Uhm, yeah I guess, I can only really play a couple of songs though…”  
“I don’t even care.” Dani grinned ear to ear.  
“Well, uhm, do you have a ukulele?” Harry asked awkwardly.  
“Actually,” she turned back around to the staff cubbies and riffled through one of them before pulling out a red-brown ukulele, “It’s Lou’s, but I doubt he’ll mind, he does in fact owe you one.”  
“Uhm, super. Okay, I guess, I’ll do it.”  
“Fuck yeah you will!” dani almost yelled, pulling Harry in for a tight hug, “Alright, don’t worry it’s just one song, at half nine I’ll come get you so you can get ready or whatever, and then at 9:45 you’ll do your song to start karaoke, got it?”   
“Yeah, mhm.” Harry nodded trying to hide his nerves   
“And if you’re angry about going on, remember it’s Lou’s fault, not mine.”  
“It’s okay, I’m not upset.” Harry tried to laugh lightly, but just ended up sounding a bit crazy. Luckily the awkward that could have ensued was stopped by the clock ringing out 8. Dani made her way over to the bar, while Harry took a deep breath, plastered on a fake smile and walked out into the dining area.  
  
-Louis’ POV-  
  
Okay so, maybe he knew. Of course Dani would have Harry sing, what else was she going to do, but he HAD promised Lottie he would be at her recital, and he had heard Harry singing to himself while they were in London and he had to find a way to hear it for real. So, could you really blame him for springing that on the younger boy? So as soon as the recital had ended, and he’d told his sister what a great job she’d done, he was back in the car racing back to New Hayvn, to hopefully catch some of Harry’s song. As he pulled into the car park, the clock on his radio read 9:37. He walked through the front door and straight back to the bar, catching no sight of the curly haired boy along the way.  
“Where the fuck have you been?” he hear hissed into his ear as he was pulled by the collar around the bar.  
“JESUS, Danielle!” he yelled back at her. “Who pissed in your cornflakes?” he asked rubbing his neck which would probably be bruised tomorrow.  
“You,” she said putting her finger directly in his face,” motherfucker, you didn’t show up to work.”  
“So? I had someone fill my shift.” he said innocently.  
“You know you had to sing tonight.” she glared at him.  
“Oops?” he offered, trying to avoid her burning stare.  
“Uhm, hi.” they heard over the speakers, causing them both to whip around towards the stage, “I’m Harry, and uh, I’m not Louis, but I’m gonna sing a song anyway, and I hope you like it.” and he gave a weak smile before strumming a chord on—oh jesus, that was, wasn’t it?— Louis’ ukulele   
“You let him use my ukulele?” Lou shot at Dani.  
“Oh fuck you, you owe him at least that, also, if he sucks, I’m gonna kick your—”

         _I’ve gotten used to being introduced,_  
 _hello, whats your name, how are you  
         they see my smile, my laugh and the hurt behind my eyes  
         _ _loss is not so easily disguised_  
  
He was even better than Louis had expected. Harry was probably, if Lou was being honestly with himself, even better than him.   
  
        _I’ll try my best to keep on with my sunny disposition  
         but I close my eyes and end up remunising  
         so save me from waking up tonight, save me from waking up tonight  
         ’cause I toss, and I turn and it doesn’t feel right  
         _ _save me from waking up tonight_  
  
“What was that?” Louis said smirking as Dani’s mouth hung open.  
“Shut. Up.” she whispered back to him.  
  
        _Left to my own devices  
         I’d stay up till 3 am  
         spend the whole day barely awake, and then do it all again  
         ’cause my dreams are filled with pleasantries  
         that make me think your here with me  
         _ _they won’t let my poor heart mend_  
  
“Wow.” Louis muttered, not just because of how amazing his voice was, but because of how much emotion Harry put into every word, like he was telling his own story, making if he, in fact, was.  
  
  _I have tried my darnedest to continue smiling wide  
         but I miss you and thats something I can’t hide  
         so save me from waking up tonight, please save me from waking up tonight  
         I thought I was fine, but it looks as if I might not make it through the night  
         so save me from waking up tonight, please save me from waking up tonight  
         ’cause I toss and I turn and it doesn’t feel right  
         _ _please save me from waking up tonight_  
  
“Thank you guys.” Harry said, a blush crawling across his face, as he walked off stage and back over to the bar where Louis was, noticing at the last moment that he was even there, which turned his face beet red. “What are you doing here??” he almost hissed.  
“Nice to see you too,” the older man chuckled, “Lottie’s recital ended early so I came by to take over and let you off early. And, I am GLAD I did,” he smiled, “You were incredible.”   
“You really were,” Dani added, “and I don’t think I need either of you tonight, it’s gonna be a slow night, why don’t you just head home?”  
“Oh, okay cool,” Harry accepted the offer, as he was in fact, fucking tired, “And, er, thanks, that’s like the only song I can really play.”   
“I didn’t know you liked Julia Nunes,” Louis smiled at him almost wickedly, “And don’t worry I’ll teach you some new stuff before you go on again.”  
“AGAIN?”   
“Yes again!” Louis and Dani said in unison, before looking at each other and laughing.  
“Yes, again,” she finished. “you better than this wanker.” she said ruffling Louis’s fringe.  
“OI. I resent that.” he stuck out his lip.  
“Anyway,” Dani said looking at the two boys, “I actually have a job to get to, so I best be off. I’ll see you both later.” and she walked to the other side of the bar to get back to serving the kind of people that went to a bar to drink at 10 o’clock on a Thursday night.  
“So,” Louis started, holding up his keys, “need a ride?” he smiled cheekily, “And I’ll actually take you right home this time.”   
“Uhm sure, yeah, thanks,” Harry smiled at the older boy, who had already started walking out the back door.  
“Any time.” he called walking right over to his car, “And thanks again for taking my shift,” he said stopping suddenly and turning around so he was face to face with the curly haired lad, “I really appreciate it.” Louis took the opportunity to really take in the Harry’s features. This close he could see every little detail of his face and he just wanted to keep each and every one of them locked away in his mind for a day when he just needed to smile.   
“About last night,” Harry mumbled, snapping Lou out of his fantasy, “I’m sorry about, well, you know, but I just, it caught me off guard, and I don’t think I’m really ready for that right now and—”   
“Hey,” Louis put his hand on the other boy’s shoulder. “It’s okay.”  
“No, it’s not.” He mumbled.  
“What?” Louis asked daring another step closer.  
“IT’S NOT FUCKING OKAY.” Harry snapped back finding rage out of nowhere, slapping Lou’s hand off of him, “YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA JUST HOW NOT OKAY IT REALLY IS.” he shouted before turning around and walking towards the opposite end of the car park. Louis ran after him, stoping about 3 paces behind when he realized the younger boy was crying.  
“I only don’t know,” Louis swallowed, grabbing for Harry’s wrist, and just hoping he wasn’t going to be slapped away again, “because you won’t tell me.” Harry looked up at him with his green eyes that cause Lou physical pain to see so red and puffy and just, broken and he sighed.  
“It’s a long story.” he hiccuped out, avoiding eye contact with Lou, but not pulling his wrist from his grip.  
“We’ve got all the time in the world.” he replied, his blue orbs locking with green.  
Harry sighed, “Well,” and (for the second time that day) Harry retold the whole story, this time feeling no need to keep a strong face, and not leaving anything out, even about how he had known Zayn was up to something: the texts, the sneaking, not wanting to kiss him, not being able to look him in the eyes while they, well, never being able to look him in the eyes. And by the end of the sorry, Lou was just sitting on the kerb, holding onto a sobbing Harry like that was all he could possibly do. Eventually as Harry’s breaths began to return to normal, and he sat up and wiped away the tears that were left staining his cheeks.  
“Do you want me to take you home now?” Louis asked rubbing circles into Harry’s back.  
“No.” Harry mumbled so quiet, Lou couldn’t be totally sure he heard it, “I just, I don’t think I can stand to be alone tonight.” he choked out, trying to keep from crying again.  
“Well, erm,” Louis coughed nervously, “do you wanna stay at my place tonight?” he asked, his heart threatening to fall out of his chest.  
“I,” Harry looked up at him, his green orbs full of hurt and pain and yet terribly beautiful, like the art of some tortured soul, and finally decided on burying his head into Louis’ shoulder and almost sighing, “yeah, that’d be nice.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics are from First Impressions by Julia Nunes.


	7. Chapter 7

“It’s not much but, uh, it’s home.” Louis said unlocking the door to his flat. Harry walked inside and was blown away by the sheer amount of pictures in such a tiny space. Louis was right, it wasn’t much, it was only 1 bedroom, from what Harry could see, and the rooms he could see we’re tiny, but practically every surface was lined with photos.  
“Wow.” was all Harry could manage picking up a picture of Louis surrounded by a woman (probably his mum) and 4 younger girls.   
“Yeah, those’re my girls.” Louis chuckled looking down at the faces.  
“So, you don’t live with them then?” Harry asked moving across the room to look at other pictures.  
“Uhm, no, I moved out last year, because, well,” Louis laughed nervously, “because I just needed my own space.”   
“I know what you mean,” Harry smiled, knowing how hard it was to live with two girls, much less 5.  
“Right, well, you can sleep here on the couch. Uh,” he looked harry over, who was still in his work clothes, “here come on, let me get you some clothes.” Harry followed into what he assumed was his room, already unbuttoning his stuffy shirt as he went. Louis walked to a dresser that was covered in papers and books. “Sorry it’s such a mess, Uni work, ya know.” he opened a drawer and pulled out a plain white v-neck and some sweatpants.  
“What’re you majoring in?” Harry asked, suddenly aware of how close they were.  
“Theatre.” Lou whispered back, taking another step in.   
“Sounds interesting.” Harry continued to just stare into the other boy’s eyes.  
“Hey Harry?”  
“Hm?”  
“I’m gonna kiss you now, okay?”  
“Mhm.” Harry nodded, and Lou closed the small gap that was left, pressing his lips softly to Harry’s, who responded by wrapping his arms around Louis’ neck. Louis threaded his fingers into Harry’s, causing a small gasp to escape the younger boy. Lou used this opportunity to lick into Harry’s mouth a little farther, this time eliciting a moan from the boy, causing Louis to lose every ounce of self control he’d had moments before. He spun Harry around pinning his hips to the dresser with his own and attaching his lips to the younger boy’s neck, causing more of those beautiful moans to be heard. He continued to suck until purple and blue lovebites began to bloom, then Harry reached to remove to smaller bloke’s belt, snapping Lou out of his daze.  
“Wait, no, wait.” he stepped back from the boy, and almost lost it again just at the sight of him, hair everywhere, pupils blown wide, and shirtless, with black and blue spots littering his collarbones. “we can’t, not, not like this, not now.”   
“What?” Harry said, breathing heavy still. “You asked me to- what?”   
“I. Harry, I really like you. Like a lot. And God, let me tell you there’s nothing I’d rather do than continue like that,” he gestured to where harry had his belt in hand, “But I don’t want it to be like this.”   
“Like what?” Harry asked, completely confused.  
“I don’t want to be taking advantage of you.” He stroked Harry’s cheek. “I don’t want you to do something you’re gonna regret.”  
Harry just stared at him. How was a person allowed to be so fucking perfect? It wasn’t even fair. “Why not just get what you want? Why do you even care?”  
Louis laughed, he actually laughed and it made Harry want to punch him right in his perfect face. “I have no idea.” he finally said, still laughing, “But I do. So much more than I really should. And if you still want to do this tomorrow or in a couple weeks then I am so totally down, but,” he grabbed Harry’s hand, “I want it to be when your want to be with me, not because you want what you had with Zayn not to hurt any more.”  
“Why do,” Harry turned Louis’ hand over in his own and traced the lines in his palm, “How did you know?”   
“Because, I’ve been there.” Lou sighed, getting him just a questioning look from the younger boy, “I’ll tell you about it later, okay? You should go to sleep now, though.” he handed him the clothes they’d thrown on the dresser earlier and then kissed Harry on the forehead, “See you in the morning.”   
  
——  
  
Louis woke up in a panic at around 11 the next morning to the sound of sobs coming from the living room. He threw his covers off and ran into the other room, just hoping Harry hadn’t done anything to hurt himself.   
“Harry are okay? Wha-” Lou looked down at the younger boy, “Why are you crying?”  
“ALL ROSE EVER DID WAS LOVE THE DOCTOR. HOW IS SOMEONE EXPECTED TO GO BACK TO A NORMAL LIFE AFTER BEING WITH A GUY LIKE THAT??”   
Louis stared at Harry trying to piece together what exactly was going on.   
He finally did, and then proceeded flick the younger boy in the ear.  
“Ow!” Harry said, clutching said ear, “What was that for?”  
“Tosser, I wake up to the sound of you crying, so I run out here, and you’re watching Doctor Who?”  
“Oh shit, sorry,” Harry mumbled, wiping the tears away from his eyes.  
“It’s alright,” Louis laughed, “I cry during this episode too.” he winked at the boy, and the turned around and walked towards the kitchen, “Anyways, you hungry?”   
“Shit.” Harry mumbled, causing Louis to turn back towards him.  
“What?”   
“Nothing, just, I didn’t tell my mom anything, and she’s probably worried or something.”  
“Oh, yeah, well, you left your phone on the counter here.” Harry rushed over to see he had 4 missed calls —3 from his mum, and 1 from Niall— and 2 new messages. The first message was a simple, ‘ _where are you_?’ from his mum at 7:12 this morning. The second was from Niall, saying, ‘ _Your mum called here, said you hadn’t been home, I told her you spent the night, you better tell me everything later, twat_.’ which he had received at 7:19.  
 **Thanks Nialler, love you. X**  
Harry chuckled, sending his reply, “Gotta love Ni.”  
“Who?” Lou puzzled as he opened up the pantry and grabbed a box of cereal.  
“Niall, my best friend, bloody Irishman.”   
“Wait.” Lou put down the box, “Niall? Irish Niall? Liam’s Irish Niall?”   
“Liam’s?” Harry asked with a smirk.  
“Oh yeah, he’s hopelessly in love.” harry made a mental note to make sure and mention that to the man himself, “Like, it’s gross, and that’s coming from me.” Louis shook his head at the memory of Liam gushing over the blonde boy in his music composition class.  
“Ah, well that’s good, Niall’s been worrying that Liam might not like him back.”   
“Anyway, Liam failed to mention that Niall knew you.”  
“Oh, yeah, best friends since he move here in year 5.” Harry smiled, remembering how easily they’d gotten on, even when they’d first met.  
 _Finally awake then? Where are you, I’ll come pick you up_  
“uhm,” Harry looked at Louis questioningly, confusing the older boy.  
“What?” he asked looking at the message, “Oh!” it finally clicked, “1217 Hawthorne Drive. Hmmm. That’s weird.” he laughed as Harry typed in the address followed with, ‘ **I’ll have a good explanation by the time you get here. xx** ’  
“What’s weird?” Harry asked.  
“Just, that you had no idea where I took you last night and still you trusted me.”  
“Oh.” Harry hadn’t really thought about that, “Yeah, I just, I don’t know, I guess I trust you.”  _Please don’t take that trust and fuck me with it_ , Harry thought.  
“Well, I’m flattered, so, cereal?” Lou offered him a bowl of Cheerios.  
“Cheers,” Harry said digging hopping up onto the counter, and then grabbing the bowl. “So, are we, uh, ever going to talk about last night?”  
“Do you not want to?” Louis asked, seeming a little hurt.  
“No, no! I just, I eventually want to know about, you know, you having been there.” Harry said, eyes fixed on his own bowl.  
“Oh.”  
“Oh?” Harry repeated, “If you don’t want to tell me now, you don’t have to, I jus-“  
“Him name was Kyle.” Louis said, setting his cereal down on the counter, “He was 5 years older than me. And God was I in love with him.” Louis laugh, more at himself than anything, “Naturally my mother didn’t approve of me dating a 24 year old at the time, but it didn’t matter, because we were ‘so in love’ and all, so we got a place together and then,” Louis sighed, “he left. Just woke up one morning and he was packing his shit up to leave.”  
“And how did you deal with it?” Harry practically whispered.  
Louis studied him for a while, before sighing and grabbing his bowl to put it in the sink, “Not well. At the beginning, I spent a lot of time wallowing and and wondering why me? You know?” Harry knew. “and then eventually I put on this mask of ‘I’m so over him and to prove it I’m going to sleep with ever guy I can find’ which was not a good idea for obvious reasons, and only made me feel worse. And then one night,” He took a deep breath, “I was with this guy and, well, sparing you the details, I said no, and so he basically beat the shit out of me.”   
“I’m so sorry…” Harry managed to sputter out.  
“But,” Louis smiled, “That was when I finally realised that I couldn’t continue like that. I talked it over with Kyle, and, slowly, I healed. And THEN,” he smiled even wider, “I met this really great guy that made me forget about all that practically the instant I met him.”  
“Oh yeah,” Harry felt himself deflate at the thought of some  _other guy_  being the one to make Lou feel better instead of him. “Where’s he now?”   
“God you’re dense.” Louis laughed and moved over to stand in between Harry’s legs dangling off the counter, looking him right in the eyes.  
“Oh!” Harry practically gasped, “Me?” Louis laughed.  
“Mhmm.”  
“Why?”  
“Dunno.”  
“Oh.”  
“Yeah.”  
And then they were kissing again. However, it was different than the previous night, which had been all sexual frustration and anger, this was all affection and trust. Harry slid himself off the counter without breaking their contact. He wrapped his arms around Louis’ waist trying to bring them even closer together, to which Lou responded by running his fingers through Harry’s hair, causing the younger boy to moan.  
“You have a kink for hair-pulling, Styles?” Louis smirked, pulling away to look at him.  
“So what if I do?” He asked, blushing a little. Louis attached his lips to Harry’s collarbone and tugged at his curls.  
“I fucking love it.” Lou mumbled into his skin.

_Knock_

_Knock_

_Knock_

Had he not been so annoying at the interruption of possibly one of the best snoggings of his life, he would have laughed at just the sheer amount of nervousness portray by that knock.  
Lou smiled at him apologetically before going and opening the door.  
Niall looked at him in confusion for taking in his features, “Oh, Oh my God, you’re Louis, right?”  
“Hey Niall.” Louis replied, motioning him to come inside.  
“Oh hey, Niaaaaaaaaaller.” Harry cooed, hugging the Irishman tight.  
“Hey Haz, so, did you get the explanation together yet?” He raised an eyebrow at Lou and then back at him.  
“Nope. By the time were home for sure.” He said walking over to Louis and hugging him, “Thank you, for everything.”  
“Any time” Lou kissed his cheek before turning his attention back to Niall, “Nice to, er, meet you.”   
“Nice to meet you too.” Niall said, still unable to wipe the smirk from his face, “Shall we, Hazza darling?” He motion and Harry walked out the door in front of him.   
As soon as they pulled up out front of Niall’s house, Niall stared the younger boy down, “Okay, what the ACTUAL fuck was all this about?”  
“Oh, well, basically, um, IspentthenightatLou’sbutnothinghappenedbecausehedidn’twanttohurtme andthenhetoldmeabouthowhe’sbeeninthissituationbeforeandHetoldmehereallycaresabout meventhoughwe’veonlyknowneachotherforacoupledaysandIthinkImightbefallingforhim.” Harry spat out in one breath.  
“Oh.” Niall thought it over for a while, getting out of the car, “It took you all morning just to think up something like that? Jesus, I could have gone for a more interesting story.” He laughed opening his front door.   
“Oh,” Harry smirked, “And Liam’s in love with you.”

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

 

“What.” it was a statement not a question as it left the Irish lad’s mouth. Now, Niall wasn’t a tan guy by any stretch of the imagination, but Harry thought, at that moment you could have shown a light through him.  
“Close your mouth, dear.” Harry smirked walking inside.  
“No seriously, what.” Niall looked like he wasn’t sure if he was stable enough to move, but followed Harry inside and up his stairs anyway.  
“You heard me.” Harry winked, causing the colour to finally return to Niall’s face, but only to flood it, turning him beet red.   
“How did you-,” he blinked finally trying to process the information, “Who said that?”  
“Apparently HE did.” Harry continued to smirk as he threw himself onto the blonde boy’s bed.   
Niall jumped on top of him and pinned his shoulder down into the mattress. “Fucking. Tell. Me. Who. Told. You.” he growled down at the younger boy.  
“LOUIS! WHO THE FUUCK DO YOU THINK.” he shouted back, laughing and pushing Niall off of him. “Jesus Christ.”  
“Oh.”  
“Oh?” Harry raised an eyebrow.  
“Well, uh,” Niall fought back a smile, “what exactly did he say?”  
Harry laughed, “You’re such a 14-year-old girl. When I mentioned you he called you ‘Liam’s Niall’ and said he was totally in love with you.”  
Niall giggled. Yes, giggled.  
“Awwwwwwwwww, is my little Nialler blushing?” Harry teased pinching the blonde boy’s cheeks.

“Shut up.” Niall mumbled, pulling his buzzing phone out of his pocket and glancing at it, his face turning even more red.  
“What?” Harry snatched the phone from Niall and read the ‘New Message from Liam’

**HEY NI!!!!! u doin anything 2morro night? x**

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Harry smirked tossing the phone back to it’s owner, who only continued to blush as he tapped in his response.

_Well hello there  Nope, I’m free, why?_

**Great wanna see a movie or sumfin?**

“God, his spelling is atrocious.”

“Well, we can’t all be held to your lofty standards, Mr. Styles.” Niall said rolling his eyes.

_Actually, my house is abandoned for the weekend, and I’ve had a long week, want to just watch something here?_

“Jesus Niall, suggestive much?” Harry laughed.

“Yeah, well.” Niall huffed, “I just really, really, REALLY want something to happen, and like, soon.”  
“Wanking just not doing it for you, babes?” Harry winked.

“Tosser.” He replied lightly punching him in the shoulder.

**yea cool. :)xx how bout I come over round 7?**

_Fantastic. See you then. X_

“NIALL’S GETTING SOOOOOOOOMMMMMMEEEEE.”

“Don’t fucking jinx it, you insufferable twat!” He said, hitting Harry with a pillow from his bed before sinking down into the bed next to Harry. “Anyway, you should probably get home, God knows your mother knows when I’m lying anyway.”   
“Hmm, yeah, okay.” Hatty mumbled lazily making no attempt to get it.  
“Get the fuck out of my bed, Styles.” Niall laughed, pushing Harry off of the bed.

“Alright, alright, Christ!” Harry jumped up, “Oh, and have a, uh, fun, night dear!” he said, dodging the shoe Niall threw at his head, and running out the door.

—

“Mom, I’m home.” Harry threw his bag off his shoulder as soon as he walked through the front door.  
“Hey tawt.” Gemma mumbled walking out of the kitchen, a mouth full of cocoa puffs.  
“Love you too, Gem.” Harry laughed, closing the front door, “Is mom here?”   
“Nah, she’s out running errands or something.” She said, heading back into the kitchen, “How was your night obviously not spent at Niall’s?”   
“It was pretty fucking weird to be completely honest.” Harry said. He and Gemma has this relationship wherein they could tell the other anything and they would always be there for advise, but would never actually admit to the fact that they cared about the other.  
“What, did you get someone pregnant?” she laughed.  
“Wow. How many times you gonna tell THAT joke, Gem.” Harry rolled his eyes.  
“Until it stops being hilarious, so, never.” She smirked, “Anyway, what happened?”   
“Alright, so, you know how I went into London with that guy Louis the other night?” She nodded, “Well, last night, I was working, and I ended up having to sing, and I was totally nervous, but whatever, not important, anyway, after work, I kind of had a break down and snapped at Lou.”  
“And?” She asked.  
“And, eventually he calmed me down, and I felt like an asshole, and then, uh,” He swallowed, “I spent the night at his house.  
“WHAT??!?” She almost yelled, “Harry, you barely knew this guy! What if he had killed you or something?”  
“Well, he didn’t. Anyway, I spent the night, but nothing like that happened.”  
“Well, why not, I thought he was totally into you?”  
Harry shook his head, “Yeah, I don’t know, he said he didn’t want me to do anything I’d regret.”  
“Jesus Christ, what is he straight or something?” Gemma asked causing harry to actually laugh out loud, “well, where does that leave you, I mean, how do you feel about all this?”   
“I dunno,” he practically sighed. “I like him, as much as I try not to, I really do like him.” He laughed shakily, “I just really don’t want to get hurt again. I mean, why would he really care about me? Especially after only two days? I just.” He sighed, “I’m just tired of being the one hurting all the time.” He said, his voice almost a whisper.  
“Hey, come on, shh.” Gemma said pulling him into a hug, “Zayn was a cunt, alright, and if I ever see him again, I’m probably going to kick his ass. But, you can’t give up because of one asshole. You atleast have to give love a CHANCE to find you. And I don’t know about Louis, because, hell, I’ve never met him, but I know the way your eyes light up when you talk about him,” She looked harry right in the eyes, “and I think you should atleast give that a shot.”

—

Liam pulled up to the hose he’d been to a couple of times before and check the dashboard clock that glowed in the night. 6:54 fuck. So he flipped down the mirror and fixed his hair, and straightened his shirt and basically found a way to waste 4 minutes at which point he convinced himself that he was no longer late, and got out and knocked on the door.  
The door swung open to reveal Niall, in a red polo and khakis, his hair perfectly mussed, and a huge grin plastered to his face, “Li!” He yelled pulling the taller boy in for a hug, and shutting the door behind them.  
“Hey Nialler.” Liam said, trying to fight back a blush, unsuccessfully. “So, what is the plan for tonight?”  
“Come on into the living room. We’ve got a fuck-ton of movies, go ahead and pick one out.” Niall smiled leading him down the hallway.  
“Wow.” Liam mumbled at the hundreds of movies stacked against a wall, that hadn’t been there the last time he was here.  
“Yeah,” Niall laughed nervously, “Both my mum and brother are huge movie buffs.”  
Liam picked up The Beauty and the Beast, “Wanna know a secret?”he asked motioning Niall to come closer, even though he knew no one was in the house to hear them. “I’ve never seen this movie.” He laughed.  
“What???” Niall ashed, shocked, “Seriously?”  
“Seriously.” Liam confirmed.  
“Well, we HAVE to watch it then” Niall said with determination.  
“Fine by me.” Liam smiled, handing the movie to Niall and plopping down on the couch. Niall put the movie in and sat down on the opposite end.   
—  
“Wow. What an asshole, just fucking throwing her book in the mud.” Liam muttered, causing Niall to laugh, and put his hand on the older boy’s knee.  
—  
“Jesus! He’s an asshole too!” Liam said, now right next to the irish lad, “All she wanted to do was say goodbye to her dad.”  
—  
“Oh God, no!” the brown-haired boy said, hiding his head behind Niall’s shoulder when the wolves attacked the beast.   
—  
“Wait, what? He’s just gonna let her go?” he asked niall from where he was laying his head on the blonde’s shoulder, “but, but he loves her.”  
—  
“She finally loved him ba-ack.” Liam sniffled into Niall’s chest.  
“Shhh,” Niall whispered patting his back, “Just watch.”  
—  
Liam smiled up at Niall from where he was laying in his lap. “That was really great.”   
Niall smiled back, “Yeah, great date movie.” He let slip before he even realized what he’s said.  
“What?” Liam asked wide eyed. “Was this, did you think this was, uhm, a date?”  
“No, I didn’t mean, I just, I really like spending time with you and-” Liam cut him off by sitting up and bringing his lips to Niall’s. It took a while for Niall to even register what was happening, but eventually he did and wrapped his arms around Liam who was smiling into the kiss.   
“Alright?” Niall muttered against Liam’s lips.  
“So much better than alright.” Liam pulled back to look at Niall. “Can I ask you something though?”   
“‘Course.” the blonde replied still a little dizzy.  
“How long have you, well, you know-“  
“you know that day you came into music comp. late, and the only seat left was the one next to me?”  
“Yeah, like the second or third day.” Liam laughed.  
“Since then.”   
“No way.”   
“Why?” Niall asked.  
“Because that’s the reason I came late,” he blushed a little, “so I could sit next to you.”  
“What?” Niall said with a hint of annoyance, “So you mean we’ve wasted weeks beating around the bush?”   
“Well. I can think of a way we could make up for lost time.” Liam said, straddling the younger boy’s hips.  
Niall moved his hands up to knot them in Liam’s hair, “I don’t think I’ve ever heard a better idea.”

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possible slight trigger warning. Mentions of self-harm.

 

Harry was in a good mood. He didn’t know why (okay maybe he knew exactly why, and maybe that why had to do with the fact that he and Louis’ shifts overlapped for the first time in two weeks, and he would finally be able to see that great hair and perfect ass in person, instead of just the jokes about them via text) but he was just happy when he walked into work at six that day. He made his way over to the bar where Liam had Niall sat on his lap as he had pretty much nonstop since their first date.

“Have I told you how sickeningly adorable you two are today?” Harry asked hopping up onto the bar and swinging his legs over.  
“I don’t know, LiLi,” Niall asked as obnoxiously sweet as he possibly could, making googoo eyes at Liam “Has he told us?”  
“I don’t think so, darling.” Liam played along, pecking Niall right on the lips.  
“Seriously, I’m gonna have to go brush my teeth now, that’s so sweet.” Harry rolled his eyes causing Liam and Niall to laugh.  
“STYLES.” Danielle called from the break room.  
“Yeah huh?” Harry asked, poking his head through the door.  
“You’re singing again tonight.” she grinned.  
“What? You mean I, why can’t Lou do it?” he asked flailing to find some way out.  
“because I said so,” she laughed, “Okay, well, pick a song, and, you know, good luck.”  
“Oh thanks for that.” Harry rolled his eyes.  
  
—  
  
At exactly 8:04 Louis ran though the doors, and slid over the bar, Dukes of Hazzard style, and swiping his time card in one fluid motion. ” ‘Mnot late!! See!” he said to no one in particular, gesturing to the clock. Harry chuckled at a table on the other end of the room, getting Louis’ attention, who just grinned from ear to ear. Harry finished taking an order, and went back to the bar. “Hey Hazza,” Lou said, hugging him from behind, “Miss me?”  
Harry turned around in his arms to say something snarky, but was caught off guard by just how blue Louis’ eyes were. “Your eyes are blue.” he ended up saying, like an idiot.  
Louis laughed, “Yeah, thanks, I wasn’t sure.”  
“Hey, lovebirds,” Danielle called, “If I was paying people to stand around and look adorable, you two would have lost your jobs to Liam and Niall weeks ago.” Louis unwrapped his arms from Harry’s waist and turned to pout at Dani.  
“But I haven’t seen him in weeks!”  
Harry giggled at the smaller boy’s expense. “You can give me a ride home tonight, we’ll catch up then.”  
“Wait, I’m supposed to take you HOME??” Louis said with mock surprise, “We’ll that’ll be something new.”  
Harry stuck his tongue out at him and turned around to get back to the dinner rush that was forming. About a half hour later, just before Harry was supposed to be going to get ready, he saw a familiar leather jacket just sitting down at the bar. He walked over, still unable to place where he knew the jacket from until it hit him like a brick to the face.  
“Zayn.” he basically breathed, but the older boy heard him and turned around before his face fell as well, matching Harry’s. “What are you doing here?”  
“I, uh,” he looked down to his glass, “I just needed to get a drink, you know, get away from Amanda for a while.” he couldn’t meet Harry’s stare.  
“Oh.” Harry’s heart actually hurt a little bit at the mention of her name. “So you two are still…” he didn’t dare actually say it.  
“Yeah, we’re good, I mean, well, no, we’re not but, we’re still. Yeah.” Harry just looked at him, “Uhm, since she found out about, about us, she’s been really, uh, insecure, and.” he sighed, “it’s really tough, even more so because it’s my fault.”   
Harry wanted to scream at him, but he saw how much pain there was in Zayn’s eyes, like he knew what Harry felt. So instead he just sighed, “Insecure how?” he finally managed to say.  
Zayn looked up at him, like he too had been expecting Harry too yell, too. “She uh,” he rolled the glass back and forth in his hand, “she’s been cutting herself.” he  said sounding defeated, “and I’m pretty sure she’s been throw up, she’s lost a ton of weights and I just, I feel so helpless.” he ran his fingers through his hair, “She’s been so distant, and she drinks. A lot. I’m just afraid. I really love her, Hazza.”  
Harry wasn’t sure which had cut him worse, knowing that Zayn really loved her, hearing call him Hazza, or even more so, feeling bad for him, even thought he knew he shouldn’t.  
“Zayn, I don’t know.” he mumbled. 

“Me either.” Zayn finished his beer. “So.” he said, his voice and face masking themselves (as Harry had so often seen them do) with content “What’s going on?”   
Harry had to actually hold back a bitter laugh. “What’s going on, Zayn? You just told me about you self-destructive girlfriend, you look like you haven’t sleep through the night in days, and this is the first time I’ve seen you since you ripped my heart out.” he actually did laugh now. “What the fuck do you think is going on?”    
“I just-” Zayn started, but was cut off by Dani calling Harry’s name from the back room.  
“I’ll talk to you later.” Harry mutter walking away before grabbing the guitar that was kept in the back room and strumming out some chord he hadn’t played in a while.   
When he went on stage Zayn was still sitting at the bar, a new beer in hand and what look like another empty one to his right.   
“Hello everyone,” Harry said, trying to shake the bitterness from his voice, “I’m still not Louis, and I’m gonna sing you another song,” he smiled weakly before plucking out the intro.   
  
 _I thought I saw a man brought to life_  
 _He was warm, he came around, he was dignified_  
 _Showed me what it was to cry_  
 _You couldn’t be that man I adored_  
 _You don’t seem to know or seem to care what your heart is for_  
 _But I don’t know him anymore_  
  
He almost choked on the words he’d sung so many times, but that he now had a connection to.  
  
 _There’s nothing left, I used to cry_  
 _My conversation has run dry_  
 _That’s what’s going on_  
He laughed to himself, a reply to Zayn’s earlier question  
 _Nothing’s fine I’m torn_  
  
 _I’m all out of faith_  
 _This is how I feel_  
 _i’m cold and I am shamed_  
 _Lying naked on the floor_  
  
Louis’ eyes finally caught his, filled with questions, before Harry looked back to Zayn as he had been before.  
  
 _Illusion never changed_  
 _Into something real_  
 _I’m wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn_  
 _You’re a little late_  
 _I’m already torn_  
  
He sang it so simply at this point, because it was true. Zayn had ripped his heart out, and he was still torn.  
  
 _There’s nothing left_  
 _I used to cry_  
 _My inspiration has run dry_  
 _That’s what’s going on_  
 _Nothing’s fine I’m torn_  
 _Nothing’s fine I’m torn_  
  
 _I’m all out of faith_  
 _This is how I feel_  
 _I’m cold and i am shamed_  
 _Lying broken on the floor_  
  
Louis kept trying to catch his eye, to ask is he was alright he assumed, but Harry just avoided them, continuing to sing right to Zayn, who had sunk so low on his stool he looked like he might fall off.  
  
 _Illusion never changed_  
 _Into something real_  
 _I’m wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn_  
 _You’re a little late_  
 _I’m already torn_  
 _Oh torn._  
  
The crowd stood and applauded Harry, “thank you guys, have a good night,” he managed, still staring at Zayn. As soon as he had come out to the bar Louis practically attacked him.  
“What the fuck was that about?” Louis asked, looking seriously worried.  
“Calm down Lou, it was nothing,”  
“That’s bullshit, you looked like you were about to either cry or vomit up there.”  
“Gee, thanks.” Harry tried to force a laugh, but it ended up sounding way too shaky.  
“Hazza.” Harry whipped around to see Zayn still standing there, gripping his glass to the point that his knuckles turned white. “That was, wow.”  
“Uhm, thanks, Zayn.”  
“Zayn??” Louis cut in, “you’re Zayn?”  
“Er, yeah.”  
Louis’ face hardened to the point where it almost scared Harry. “Get out.” he muttered.  
“What?” Zayn asked, looking seriously confused.  
“I said. Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. Here.” his teeth were gritted. Harry wanted to say something, because he knew Zayn was hurting too, and that honestly did make it a little bit better, but he couldn’t, he knew Zayn had to deal with whatever went along with choosing her over himself.  
“Okay man, calm down.” Zayn laughed a little to himself, probably just out of nervousness, but Louis took it differently.  
“No I don’t think you understand.” he grabbed Zayn by the collar, “if I ever fucking see you in here or talking to Harry again I will not think twice about kicking the SHIT out of you. Got it?”  
“Okay, okay.” Zayn put his hands up to show he meant no harm, and Louis let him go and he ran out the door as fast as he could.  
Harry tried to slink into the back room again, but Louis turned on his heels, anger still in his eyes, but swirled with hurt, “Why didn’t you tell me he was here?”

“I, what does it have to do with you?” Harry asked.

“Uhm, excuse me, in case you didn’t notice, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Harry looked to the ground.”I’m sorry.” He mumbled, not wanting to look at Louis, or his stupid perfect face.  
“Hey,” Lou grabbed the younger boy’s jaw lightly, making him connect their eyes, “I’m not upset at you, I just want you to know that I’m here for you. Always.”

“No.” Harry breathed, making Louis squint at him.  
“Uh, what?”  
“No.” he shook his head, “No, people aren’t supposed the be this fucking perfect and beautiful and funny and smart AND care about me.” he threw his face into Louis shoulder to avoid letting the older boy see him starting to tear up.  
“Well that’s good. Because I’m definitely not perfect.” Louis laughed.  
“Oh yes you are.” Harry muttered into Lou’s shoulder, “You’re loud, and sarcastic, and rude, and always late, and you have the attention span of a bloody goldfish.” he looked into those blue eyes, “And you’re fucking perfect.”  
Louis had no words to say what he wanted. So he didn’t. He just leaned in and kissed Harry with every ounce of him, he kissed him with all his hurt, with his anger, with his sorrow, and most of all, with his love.  
They were broken up by a cough from behind them where, when they turned around, Dani was standing with a look on her face like she wasn’t sure whether to yell at them or pull them into a big hug. “You two. Just.” she ran her fingers through her hair, “get back to work. Please.” she shook her hear as they took a step apart, “Also, Liam and Niall may be losing their spot as most adorable couple.”  
“Oh, we’re not tog-” Harry started but stopped himself. Were they?  
“We should get back to work Haz.” Louis said, his face unreadable.  
“Oh, uh, well you’re both okay to leave at 11, oh, and you’re working 6-close tomorrow, right?”  
“Yeah.” they both answered, each with polar opposite tones.  
“Cool, see you then.” she smiled and they all three went back to work, each unsure of what had just happened.  
  
—  
  
Harry walked out of the building, and into the parking lot, desperate for some fresh air to clear his mind. Instead he found Ed, a friend of his that he’d not seen much lately as he was really Zayn’s friend.  
“HARREH.” Ed called out as soon as he saw the younger boy.  
“Hey Ed,” Harry smiled, “Haven’t seen you in some time, how’s life been?”  
“Alright,” he mumbled, putting a cigarette between his lips, “How’ve you been since, well…” he trailed off.  
“Fine, well, not so much at first,” he laughed a little, “but better now. I actually saw him tonight.” he rubbed his hands together, his eyes never leaving the ginger boy’s mouth as he lit the cigarette.  
“Yeah? I haven’t really talked to him much, he’s always with Manda.” Ed rolled his eyes and exhaled throwing a cloud of smoke towards Harry.  
“You should, uh, talk to him,he really need someone right now.” his head buzzed at the taste of just what smoke that was able to get to him, “He’s, they’re not doing too well.”  
“Does he? Well I’ll ring him later, anyway, it was nice seeing you Haz.” the ginger smiled.  
“You think I could bum one of those off you?” Harry gestured to the pack in Ed’s shirt pocket.  
“‘Course.” he pulled one out, handing it to the younger boy, “didn’t know you smoked.”  
Harry put it in his mouth, motioning for Ed to light it, “I don’t.” he drew in a long breath, letting the nicotine clear his mind before blowing the smoke out and letting it take all his worries with it. He muttered a thanks and goodbye to the ginger before walking back towards the building and sitting against the wall.  
“What the fuck?” Harry turned to see Louis walking out the door, “no really, what the fuck?” he asked again walking right to Harry.  
“I, what do you mean?” he fumbled for an answer.  
“Since when do you smoke, Haz?” Louis had the same look or hurt and anger he was wearing when he asked about Zayn.  
“I don’t I just, seeing Zayn tonight, and then the whole thing with Dani, and,” he sighed, “I just needed to calm down.”  
“FUCK HARRY.” Louis slammed his palm against the wall. “SO WHY CAN’T YOU JUST TELL ME THAT.” he grabbed the younger boy’s shoulders looking him straight is the eyes, “Why can’t you let ME be the one to help you ‘calm down?’”  
“Lou,” Harry almost pleaded, “it’s just one cigarette.”  
Louis scoffed, “For how long, Haz? How long is it gonna be until one cigarette isn’t enough, until it’s two, and then, five, and then a pack, and thensomething worse? Please, tell me how long, because I’d like to know how long I have left with you,” Louis’ voice dropped so Harry could barely hear it, “Because apparently, you don’t want to be with me.”

“Is that what this is about?” Harry asked letting the cigarette drop from his fingers, “About what I said about us?”

“No, well yes, but,” Louis looked right at him, “it’s also about you not doing stupid things. It’s hard enough to not have you but get to see you all the time, I couldn’t even imagine if you were really gone.”

“I’m not gonna leave you Lou,” Harry smiled, cupping Louis’ face, “but, about earlier, I just, I don’t know if I’m ready to do that all again, I mean,”

“Hey.” Louis cut him off, “It’s okay. We have all the time in the world. I’ll wait until you’re ready.” Harry leaned down and kissed him, because, what else was there to say? “Now, let’s get you home, yeah?” Harry gave Louis a look and Lou just winked, “For real this time.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics are Torn.


	10. Chapter 10

 

 _Hey(: what’re you doing before work today?_  
Harry woke up to his phone vibrating underneath him, making him aware of that message from Louis, and making him smile like an idiot.

 **nothing, why?**  
He rolled out of bed and threw on a shirt and then check his phone again.

 _Wrong answer. I’m taking you out to lunch._  
Harry giggled and sat down cross-legged on his bed

 **oh you are, are you? And what makes you so sure I’ll want to go out to lunch with you? :P**  
“Haz?” Harry looked up to see Gemma at his door, “You alright?”  
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” he asked.  
“Oh,” she walked fully into his room now, “I just thought you becoming a 14-year-old girl might scare you.” she smirked.  
Harry threw a pillow at her, missing by a mile, “Shuddup!” he blushed.

 _Because I’m ‘perfect’ remember? :P_  
“So you texting Loouuuiiiss.” she laughed, sitting down next to him on the bed.  
“Maybe.” Harry bit his lip to hold back another giggle.

 **yeah, that’s true. ;) alright, pick me up round 3?**  
“When are we gonna get to meet him?” Gemma asked, feigning annoyance.  
“Never.” Harry laughed, “Actually he’s picking me up for lunch today, so, then maybe?”

 _Wow, bossy much? Haha, I love it ;) see you then xx_  
“Oh Cool, just so you know, if he’s like Zayn, I’m reserving the right to punch him.”  
Harry laughed, “he’s not like Zayn. I promise.”  
“Well good, then I probably won’t have to punch him in the face.” She stood up from Harry’s bed, “Now I would much appreciate if you stopped squealing like a little bitch, I’m skyping Liam, and I don’t want to have to explain that my adult brother turned into a tween girl.” She laughed and left the room, leaving Harry to fall into his bed and wonder, ‘seriously. When DID I become a 14 year old girl?’

—

Louis knocked on the door and took a step back before then running his fingers through his hair and at the last minute deciding to take his Raybands off and hang them from the ‘V’ of his vneck.   
The door opened to show a dark haired girl just shorter than himself who must have been related to Harry, as he was the only other person he’s seen with eyes that stunning.

“You’re Louis?” She asked looking him up and down?”  
“Uhm, yes?” He replied, not sure if that was the right answer.

“Jesus.” She said mostly to herself, stepping aside and letting the boy in, “Come on in.” Louis heard the door close and then jumped at the sudden sound she made, “MY GOD.”  
“What??” Louis asked.  
“Nothing, nothing.” She held out her hand for him to shake, “I’m Gemma, Harry’s sister, nice to meet you.” He shook her hand and then she led him into the kitchen.

“So,” Louis looked around, “where’s Harry?”

“He’s getting ready, but I wanted to talk to you.” She said, too nonchalantly for Louis’ liking.

“Uhm, about what?”

She turned around to face him, “I just want to let you know, I care about my brother, and I am NOT going to see him get hurt again, got that? And since I didn’t ever get the chance to kick the shit out of Zayn, if you even THINK about doing something stupid like he did, I will have no qualms about killing you and making it look like an accident. Clear?”

Louis swallowed, “Well, lucky for me then, I care about your brother too. And in case Harry didn’t tell you, I almost did beat the shit out of Zayn myself.” Lou smiled a little at the memory of the fear in Zayn’s eyes.  
  
“You,” Gemma stared at him, and then a little smile broke on her face, “You did?”  
  
“Haha, yeah, he showed up at New Havyn, and I was, well, not happy.”  
Gemma looked him up and down, “I think you and I are gonna be just fine.” She smirked, “I’ll go get our little tart.”  
  
Gemma ran up the steps and flung Harry’s door open, stepped in and slammed it shut, causing him to whip around.  
“Why all the slamming?” he asked, slightly worried.  
“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?”  
“What?”  
“Why have you failed to mention that your boyfriend is sex on legs??”  
Harry blushed a little before mumbling, “He’s not my boyfriend.”  
“Well whatever, have you seen his ass? DEAR LORD, I almost fainted at the sight.”  
“Hey, keep your eyes to yourself, slag.” he laughed, “WAIT, he’s here??”  
“Oh, yeah, Whoops, he’s here.”  
Harry pushed past her and ‘walked’ (if you can call taking them two at a time walking) down the stairs and into the kitchen.  
“Lou!” he called turning the corner before he was caught off guard by the sight of the smaller boy. Harry had only seen him in his work clothes before, but now he was wearing a grey t-shirt that dipped just low enough that Harry could see the edges of his collarbones, white braces, and tan slacks rolled up at the end. And Gemma was right; he did in fact look like sex on legs. “Wow,” he mumbled looking Louis up and down, “You look great, like, really great.”  
“Oh please,” he chuckled, “you’re one to talk.”  
Harry almost laughed, he was wearing his work pants and a plain white v-neck as an undershirt, and carrying his button down in his arm. “Yes because I’m looking hot in my work pants.” he rolled his eyes.  
Louis closed the distance between them in two steps and then whispered right into Harry’s ear, “Mmm, you sure are.” making Harry shiver. He looked up at Harry, who leaned towards him before Louis pulled away smirking, and whispering, “Later.”  
“Tease.” Harry grumbled.  
“Alright well,” Louis took half a step ack as Gemma entered the room, “We’re gonna be going, it was nice to meet you Gemma,” He smiled at her.  
“Nice to meet you too,” she smirked, “I’m glad we could reach an understanding.”  
Louis laughed walking towards the door, “Me too.”  
  
—  
  
“An understanding?” Harry finally asked. He’d managed to not mention in the entire car ride over, but now, as they were sitting down at the cafe, he couldn’t hold it back anymore.  
“Wha- oh,” Louis chuckled, “Your sister and I came to an understanding about the consequences of me hurting you.”  
“Yeah?” he asked, obviously wanting details.  
“She just let me know she’ll have no qualms about making my murder look like an accident.”  
“Oh.” Harry laughed, “That’s Gem for you.”  
“I like her,” Louis smiled, “she really cares about you.”  
“Don’t let her catch you saying that, she’ll deny it to her grave.” Harry laughed again.  
“Well I think it’s sweet, you two are so cute.”  
“Ughhh,” Harry moaned in mock annoyance, “I’m a grown man, I am not  _cute._ ”

“Oh yes you are.” Louis pinched his side causing him to let out a little squeal, in turn causing him to turn red.

“Stop in it!” Harry tried to bite back a smile.

“Are you guys ready to order?” the waitress asked, making heart eyes at Louis (and honestly, Harry couldn’t blame her, he was as well) completely oblivious to Harry’s existence.

“Yeah,” Louis smiled, “you go first Haz.” She reluctantly turned her attention towards the curly haired boy and took his order before practically sitting in Louis’ lap to take his.”  
“Alright, I’ll be right back with your drinks.” She flipped her hair and walked away her hips swinging way more than they’d had before.

“Jesus, do I need a sign or something?” Louis mumbled.

“What?”

“Should I start wearing an “I’m gay” sign on my shirt or what?”  
Harry laughed, “I think those braces are sign enough, love.” He winked.

“Oi, watch it.” Lou warned.

“Oi, make me.” Harry stuck his tongue out at the older boy.

Louis leaned across the table so their faces were now centimeters apart, “You stick your tongue out at me again, I might just have to bite it.” He whispered in a way that sent a chill up Harry neck.

“Is now ‘later’ enough?” He poked right back, and then moved his mouth right to Louis’ ear before whispering, “Tease.”  
“M, uhm.” The waitress coughed, making both boys sit back into their seats, “your drinks.” She said, her voice deflated.

“Thank you.” Harry said, grabbing Louis’ hand on the table, and smirking at her.

The waitress  _happened_  to take her break just then, and for the rest of the meal they were helped by some other bottle blonde who was practically indistinguishable from the first. When the check came, Louis grabbed it and sent it back to the waitress before Harry could even protest.   
“Just being a gentleman, Haz.” He winked, which pretty much shut harry up about the whole matter. They made their way into the car park and into Louis’ car, at which point Louis started to peel off his shirt.

“What are you doing??” Harry asked, a little bit nervously.

“I have to change into my work clothes… What did you think I wa-”

“Nothing.” Harry blushed profusely.

“Oh, so that’s where you mind is.” Louis winked again.

“Shut up, we have to go, it’s 5:40.” Harry avoided looking at Louis by looking at his watch.

“Alright, if you insist, babe.” He started the car and made his way back to New Hayvn.  
—  
Louis got out of the car and walked around and opened Harry’s door.  
“Oh LAWRD” Harry said like an over dramatic southern belle, “you really are a proper gentleman.” he got out and wrapped his arms around Lou’s waist to draw him closer and press their lips together.  
“If being a gentleman is all I have to do…” Louis mumbled against Harry’s mouth  
“Oh shut up.” Harry bit his lip teasingly and intertwined their fingers.  
“Have I ever told you how sexy you look in your work shirt?”  
Harry rolled his eyes and stepped back but continued to hold Lou’s hand while leaning against his car, “Only every single time I’ve seen you.” He winked.

“Well good, because you’re fucking breathtaking babe.” Louis pulled his hand up and kissed him lightly above his knuckles.

“Jesus chirst.” Harry gasped, his breath practically gone, and a blush creeping all the way up his face. “Are you trying to see me faint?”

“Nope, just mainly trying to woo you.” He winked.  
“Well you’re going one hell of a job.” He laughed checking the time, “We’ve got like 10 minutes we should probably go.” They started to walk to the door, and Harry gradually loosened his grip, which Louis picked up on, and let his hand go with a frown.   
“I’m,” Harry mumbled, “I’m sorry, I just-“  
“Shhhh,” Louis smiled, “It’s okay, I already told you. On your terms.”

“Do you realize how unfair it is that you’re so perfect?”  
Lou laughed, and opened the door, “Let’s go.”

As soon they walked in the door they could hear Niall’s laughter from the bar.  
“My God, are you two just ALWAYS here?” Harry laughed.

“Pretty much.” They said at the same time, then shared a look, and proceeded to take up laughing again.  
Dani came out from the back room, “Oh, I thought I heard you, alright who’s singing tonight?”  
Harry looked at Louis who just smiled, “I am, I’ve got something all put together.” He winked at Harry.

“Okay?” Dani gave Louis a look, “Alright, whatever, get to work, and you two,” she turned her attention to Niall and Liam, “Either buy something or get out.”

“Alright, guess we’re leaving.” Liam said, pulling Niall up with him. “Buuyyyeee.”

—  
The only reason Harry realize Louis was even gone, was the house lights coming down to light up the stage. Harry turned around to see Lou with his guitar.

 _When you try your best but you don’t succeed_  
 _When you get what you want but not what you need_  
 _When you feel so tired but you can’t sleep_  
 _Stuck in reverse_  
  
 _And the tears come streaming down your face_  
 _When you lose something you can’t replace_  
 _When you love someone but it goes to waste_  
 _Could it be worse?_  
  
Harry took a breath (for the first time since Louis had started singing) and just let himself continue to stare and do nothing else.  
  
 _Lights will guide you home_  
 _And ignite your bones_  
 _And I will try to fix you_  
  
Louis’ eyes never left Harry’s, he was singing to him, and he didn’t care who knew.  
  
 _And high up above or down below_  
 _When you’re too in love to let it go_  
 _But if you never try you’ll never know_  
 _Just what you’re worth_  
  
Harry was still gripping the tray he’d been carrying before, and was now holding it tight enough that his knuckles were turning white.  
  
 _Lights will guide you home_  
 _And ignite your bones_  
 _And I will try to fix you_  
  
 _Tears stream down your face_  
 _When you lose something you cannot replace_  
 _Tears stream down your face_  
 _And I_  
  
 _Tears stream down your face_  
 _I promise you I will learn from my mistakes_  
 _Tears stream down your face_  
 _And I_  
  
Louis stopped strumming and brought the mic right to his lips  
  
 _Lights will guide you home_  
 _And ignite your bones_  
 _And I will try to fix you_  
  
It wasn’t just a line from a song any more, it was a promise.  
  
The whole audience burst into applause, and Harry realized he was crying (also that he was still standing at someone’s table). He wiped his eyes and turned back to the lady at the table.  
“M sorry.” he mumbled, “What did you need again?”  
“It’s quite alright dear, I take it that meant a lot to you or something?” she asked, a warm smile on her face.  
“Actually, yeah.” Harry glanced over to where Louis was just walking out of the back room and made eye contact with the older boy, making his heart flutter, “That’s my boyfriend.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics are Fix You by Coldplay.


	11. Chapter 11

“Wanna know something funny?” Liam mumbled to the other three boys. The four had decided, since Louis and Harry didn’t have work and Niall and Liam didn’t school that they would all go into London and see a movie. The one they had decided upon (Louis had talked the rest of them into) was The Vow.  
“What, that were all dudes and yet were going to see the biggest chick-flick ever?” Harry responded rolling his eyes at Louis.  
“Well, yeah that too,” Liam laughed, “but also, that we’ve all been friends, like collectively, for almost 2 months, and we’ve never hung out all 4 of us.”   
“Oh great!” Niall moaned, “And the first thing we’re doing as bros is seeing The Vow.” Liam laughed and pulled him in closer to his side.  
“Hey! I heard it’s a great movie!” Louis interjected.  
“From who? Your sisters?” Harry poked him in the hip.  
“…maybe.”   
Harry and Louis made their way into the theatre, climbing across to the 4th or 5th row from the back.  
“where’d Niall and Liam go?” Harry whispered to Louis, who looked around slightly and just shrugged.  
“Probably weren’t entirely interested in WATCHING the movie dear. They are teenage boys after all.” Louis laughed.  
“And we aren’t?” Harry asked raising an eyebrow.  
“Course not Hazza darling, I’m 20, and you,” he pulled on one of harry’s curls, “you’re obviously not a boy.” he winked.  
“Wow. Thanks dear.” he elbowed Louis in the ribs, and then opened his arm up to let the older boy snuggle in.  
“Ssshhhhh, ‘sstarting Haz.” Lou whispered as the lights came down and room was flooded with the sound of the movie.

—

“I give it an 8 out of ten.” Louis said apathetically, still cuddled into Harry side.   
“You’re fucking kidding me!” Harry sniffles, pushing the older boy away a little to look at his face. “YOU convince us to see this movie, and I’M the one crying!” he buried his head in Louis’ shoulder. “Also, you’re fucking crazy, that was like a fucking 11.”   
Louis laughed pressing a kiss into Harry’s head, “I love you.”  
Nope. Nope. Nope. Abort. Abort.  
“What??” Harry looked up at the older boy, his eyes filled with panic.   
“I love you. Simple as that, I really do love you.” he smiled.  
“Louis, I,” his heart was pounding out of his chest, he wasn’t ready for this yet. Not now, sure, he’d come a long way since Zayn had left, but he couldn’t let himself be that volnerable again, no way, “I don’t know what I’m supposed to say.”  
“Harry, I don’t expect you to say anything you’re not ready to.” he held his hand, “But that doesn’t change the fact that I love you, so so much, and I’d you don’t feel that way, I can wait.” he kissed the skin between Harry’s fingers, “I can always wait.”   
Harry started to tear up again. “Thank you.” he sniffled. “For just. You”   
“Hey come on save the tears, let’s go find Niall and Liam, where ever they went off to.” he laughed.  
They ended up finding them in the lobby, like they’d been waiting for them to arrive.  
“Well how did you guys like the movie?” Louis asked, suspiciously.  
“It was alright,” Niall stretched, nonchalantly.  
“Uh huh.” Harry caught his arm and held it up, causing his shirt collar to fold in just a way that showed the dozen or so blue-black bruises blossoming across his collarbones. “Seem like you really enjoyed it.” he poked one of said bruises with his free hand.   
Niall blushed and pulled his hand from Harry’s grasp, rubbing at his wrist. “Shut up.” he mumbled before Liam pulled him closer into his side and kissed one of the bruises still showing.  
“Well, now that you two are done being sickeningly adorable, can we go get something to eat? I’m starved.”  
“YES.” Niall yelled standing straight up, leaving leaving the brunette empty armed and chuckling.  
“Where do you guy want to go?” Liam asked standing up, his body fitting perfectly against Niall’s back as he threw his arms around the blonde’s waist and propped his chin on his shoulder. Apparently the being sickeningly adorable was a full-time job.  
“Nandos?” Harry suggested, raising an eyebrow at Niall.  
“NAAAAAAANNNDDDOOOOOOSSSSSSS.” Niall almost pulled Liam’s arm off dragging him out to Louis’ car.

—

“You gonna finish that?” Niall asked Liam gesturing towards the drumstick sitting on his plate.  
“No, but I’m sure you are.” he laughed, letting the blonde grab it from his plate.  
“Thaaannkks babe.” He smiled.  
“Haha, god, I love you.” Harry whipped his head around and looked at him like he’d just punched the curly boy in the gut.  
“Love you too, dear.” Niall replied casually, like it was nothing, making Harry want to punch HIM in the gut. Why was he the weird one here? Why was he the only one that couldn’t throw his heart off a cliff with full faith that Louis would catch it? Well, he knew why he couldn’t, but why was he the odd one out for not being able to?  
“Hey.” Louis whispered, pulling him closer.  
“Hi.” Harry sighed back, looking up at the older boy. His eyes, so full of love, his smile begging Harry to trust him. “I’m sorry.” he sighed again.  
“Don’t be.” Louis smiled back, but Harry could see the hurt in his eyes, because he knew it so well himself. The hurt of loving someone more that they loved you.  
“No. NO.” he almost growled, throwing himself up from the booth and storming out the door. Louis chased after him, catching up to him less than a block from the restaurant.   
“Hey, Harry it’s okay.” he tried to hold his hand, but Harry pulled it away.  
“NO IT’S NOT, LOUIS. Quit telling me it’s okay! I’M not okay.” he turned around to look right at Louis, “Don’t you understand that?! Can’t you see that I’m broken, why would you want damaged merchandise? Why can’t you see that I’m just going to keep letting you down??”  
“Harry. I don’t care about any of that. I love you.”  
“Don’t say that.” Harry hissed. “Don’t fucking say that to me unless you damn well mean it.”  
“Oh, Harry.” Louis chuckled, pulling the younger into a hug, which he resisted only a little, “How could you POSSIBLY doubt that?”   
“Because why would you love me?” Harry asked so sincerely Louis almost choked.  
“Because you’re literally too fantastic for words?” Louis answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world, “because you sing, and play guitar, and have a perfect body, and you talk like there’s always some inside joke that I want to be in on, and your face looks like a fucking cherub, ” the younger boy smiled a little bit showing his dimple, making him look even more cherubic, “and because you have a story. And I love that about you Harry, I love everything that ever happened to you, because that’s what makes you, you.”  
“One day Louis,” Harry took a deep breath, completely serious. “one day you’re gonna look in the mirror and realise you’re worthy of so much more than anything I can give you, and you’re gonna leave.” Harry swallowed, “And I can’t even be mad, because I get this time, that I really don’t deserve.”   
“You have no idea how wrong you are Harry.” Louis shook his head before grabbing the curly haired lady’s hand, “Now come on, Niall and Liam and probably confused as fuck.”


	12. Chapter 12

 

“I just kind of feel like an asshole, you know?” Harry moaned from Niall’s couch that the blonde boy hand abandoned a while ago to get as close to the TV as he could, in the hopes it might make him better at FIFA. (It didn’t.)  
2 months. It had been 2 months since Louis had told him, er, what he had told him, and still Harry couldn’t find it in himself to give Louis his response. And it hurt. To have to reply with, ‘Uh, thank you.” and to see how it always hurt Louis even more. No, he would never admit it to Harry, but he could see the way those cerulean eyes didn’t shine the way they used to upon seeing Harry. But the worst was that Harry had taken to avoiding the older boy, just to keep from having to hear those words. And he knew Louis could tell when he made excuses to not see him, but he just couldn’t do it. He wasn’t strong enough to see this person being constantly hurt, because of him.  
“MOTHERFUCK THE GOAL WAS OPEN. Huh, yeah” Niall shouted, snapping Harry out of his daze, “it sucks bro.”  
“Thanks for the undivided attention, Nialler.” he rolled his eyes, laying back and staring at the ceiling.  
Niall paused the game and sat next to Harry’s legs, “You know what buddy,” He rubbed the younger lad’s knee, “It’ll all work itself out eventually, shit happens for a reason.” He offered with a weak smile. Harry just scoffed and sat up checking his watch, “Yeah, okay” Harry laughed bitterly, “anyway, I’ve gotta get going, got work at 5 tonight.”  
“Right well, have a good time and just,” Niall paused like he was trying to pick him words exactly, “try to let him in, okay? He really cares, Haz.”  
Harry stiffen, “Yeah, okay, bye.” he walked out the front door into the frigid cold quickly, the last thing Harry needed was more guilt.  
  
—  
  
Harry walked in, peeling off his coat and gloves, and was instantly visually assaulted by the bright Christmas lights strewn about then entire bar. “Jesus, Dani. Don’t you think it’s a little much?” Harry said, trying to blink his vision back.  
“Actually, dear Hazza,” Louis slipped a hand around the taller boy’s waist, “The lights were all my idea.”  
“Why am I not in the least bit surprised,” harry leaned down into a kiss, the butterflies in his stomach being instantly replaced with guilt as Lou muttered, “I love you,” against his lips.  
“Right well,” Harry broke from Lou’s hold, “I better go clock in, yeah?” he rubbed his palms together awkwardly.  
“Yeah, sure, o-of course.” Louis’ eyes dimmed again.  
Harry turned around and walked into the break room, leaning his head against the cool wall above the time clock to try and keep him from crying, or throwing up. “I’m sorry.” he whispered knowing Louis couldn’t hear him.  
“Something you’d like to share with the class?” Harry spun around to see Dani looking at him from behind her book.  
“Jesus Dani.” Harry rubbed his temples, “I didn’t see you.”  
“Yeah obviously. So why are you sorry and who to?”  
“No one, nothing, I just,” he sighed and sat down across from the brunette, “I don’t know what to do.”  
“Is this about Lou?” she asked sincerely. Harry nodded. “Oh come here darling,” she stood up and pulled him up into a hug as well, “I know it seems bad now, but it always gets better.”  
Harry clung to her and was using all his might NOT to cry, “How can you possibly know that?” he asked, shakily.  
“Because it has to.” She smiled, like it was the most obvious thing in the world, which only upset Harry more.  
“No, you know, it really doesn’t.” He pushed away from her hug, leaving her looking confused, “Sometimes it just gets worse and worse, and the breaks, and sometimes, it seems to be better, great even, when really everything’s shit.” He spat.  
Dani didn’t say anything as Harry turned to leave until he was to the door. “Louis’ not Zayn, Haz, remember that.” She almost sighed.  
“I know.” He mumbled. “And that’s what hurts so much, Dani.” And with that he turned and left, plastering a fake smile on his face, (bitterly) helping a couple who were obviously on their first date.

—  
  
“Hey Haz,” Louis smiled, sitting down next to his boyfriend at the break table.   
Harry looked up and a smiled instantly crossed his face upon seeing the smaller lad, “Hi Loubear.” He opened up an arm the let the older snuggle in.   
“Whacha doing?” Lou asked like a nine-year-old, making Harry giggle a little, “Readin’ poetry, dear.”   
“Sounds good, read to me.” Lou mumbles leaning his head onto Harry’s shoulder.  
Harry smiled, at the boy on his shoulder, but also at how easy this was, and how simple things felt.

“You are so beautiful I don’t know where to look.  
I am ashamed.  
Like the unspeakable name of God,   
bitter and new,  
naked even of pleasure.”

Louis looked up at him and smiled, “That’s was beautiful, Haz.” Oh no, Harry knew what came next, “I love you so much.”  
Harry sighed, letting go of any chance of ‘easy’ and ‘simple’ he’d tricked himself into believing, “Please stop.” He practically whispered. “I don’t think you know how hard this is for me.”  
Louis sat bolt upright and just stared at Harry, his eyes looking broken. “Hard for you? You?” He scoffed, and stood up, seeming to fight back tears, “You have no idea what you’re talking about Harry.” And with that he walked to the other side of the room and grabbed his guitar, “Can you go? I have to practice; I’m on in 10 minutes.” And so Harry left, back into the main room, back into his fake smile and empty heart.

The next time he was actually processing his actions, not just going through the motions, was when Louis came on stage with his guitar, and instantly made eye contact with the younger boy. But his eyes didn’t say ‘you’re wrong’ or even “I’m still angry’ then shone as brightly as they ever did, promising Harry, ‘it’s okay’ and ‘we’ll work it out’ and no, it really wasn’t simple.  
  
 _I’m gonna pick up the pieces,  
and build a Lego house  
if things go wrong we can knock it down  
  
My three words have two meanings,  
there’s one thing on my mind  
It’s all for you  
  
_“no.” Harry said, to himself, though Dani heard and shot him a questioning look. “No, he can’t just do that.” Harry continued to murmur to no one in particular. _  
  
And it’s dark in a cold December, but I’ve got ya to keep me warm  
and if you’re broken I will mend ya and keep you sheltered from the storm that’s raging on  
  
I’m out of touch, I’m out of love  
I’ll pick you up when you’re getting down  
and of all these things I’ve done I think I love you better now  
  
I’m out of sight, I’m out of mind  
I’ll do it all for you in time  
And of all these things I’ve done I think I love you better now  
  
I’m gonna paint you by numbers  
and colour you in  
if things go right we can frame it, and put you on a wall  
  
And it’s so hard to say it but I’ve been here before  
and I’ll surrender up my heart  
and swap it for yours  
  
I’m out of touch, I’m out of love  
I’ll pick you up when you’re getting down  
and of all these things I’ve done I think I love you better now  
  
I’m out of sight, I’m out of mind  
I’ll do it all for you in time  
And of all these things I’ve done I think I love you better now  
  
Don’t hold me down  
I think my braces are breaking and it’s more than I can take  
  
And it’s dark in a cold December, but I’ve got ya to keep me warm  
and if you’re broken I will mend ya and keep you sheltered from the storm that’s raging on  
  
I’m out of touch, I’m out of love  
I’ll pick you up when you’re getting down  
and of all these things I’ve done I think I love you better now  
  
I’m out of sight, I’m out of mind  
I’ll do it all for you in time  
And of all these things I’ve done I think I love you better now_  
  
And then Harry was going. And as he made his way out the front door, he could hear Louis’ voice catch, knew he would be watching him leave, knew Louis would be disappointed, knew he would start crying, but he couldn’t go back now, even if he wanted to. And from outside he could hear the very last chorus.  
  
 _I’m out of touch, I’m out of love_  
I’ll pick you up when you’re getting down  
And out of all these I’ve done, I will love you better now.  
  
And then he was sprinting. Away from or toward what, he had no idea, but really, it didn’t matter. All he knew was that he was sobbing, and he really had no right to be, when it was all his fault.

 


	13. Chapter 13

Whenever Harry walked around his town, it was always a way for him to clear his mind, the fresh air, the silence, it gave him a great place to sort his mind and come to logical conclusions. But, as his chest was heaving from the sprinting, and his body was shaking because of his sobs, he thought he was not fortunate enough for this to be one of those mind clearing strolls. He hadn’t stopped to realise where he was going until he was standing there in front of Niall’s door. He also at that point realised it was snowing and he hadn’t grabbed his coat. Needless to say, this was kind of a spur of the moment decision. He took his phone out to check the time, 10:37, he probably won’t be waking Niall up and, honestly, he doesn’t really care that much at the moment. He knocked on the door, and then took a step back, trying to wipe his eyes and make himself look like somewhat less of a wreck.   
After a few minutes Harry heard laughter float through the door before it opened up to the bright face of Niall with an equally happy Liam wrapped around his waist peppering his neck and shoulder with kisses.  
“God damn it.” Harry felt himself deflate,  _great now not only am I fucking up Louis and I’s love life, but now I’m also ruining Niall and Liam’s._  “I’m sorry I’ll just…” he took a step back.  
“Haz,” Niall stepped out of Liam’s hold, his features flooding with concern, “What’s wrong?”  
“I, er, nothing.” Harry lied, trying to maybe not totally step on the other boys’ night. “Never mind.” he turned around quickly and started to walk down the steps that led to Niall’s door.  
“Hey,” the blonde grabbed Harry’s wrist spinning him around, “That’s bullshit and I know it, come on in.” he smiled leading the taller boy back to his house. Harry wanted to decline the offer, but with the way he had begun sobbing again, he was really in no state to be convincing Niall he was okay. So he followed the blonde in and into the living room where he sat down on the couch, and tried to calm himself down. Niall followed him in, hand in hand with Liam, and though his eyes were filled with concern, the simple connection of skin with the slightly older boy had an obvious effect on him, from his smile, to the way he bounced a little more, but mostly to the way he they both constantly moved to be closer to the other.  
“Hey, I think I’m gonna get going.” Liam said, probably just to Niall, but Harry heard anyway.  
“Okay babes.” Niall turned around to face him and instantly met Liam’s mouth with his own. The way they fit together, Harry noticed, was almost unreal, like they had begun as one piece, and were at some point split into two, and now reconnected.  
“Alright,” Liam smiled against the Irish boy’s lips, when they eventually pulled away, breathing out an “I’ll see you later, I love you.”  
And with out missing a beat, Niall mumbled back a happy, “Love you too,” and then Harry was sobbing again.  
“So what’s up, Hazza?” Niall asked in a very concerned manner as he returned from walking Liam out and sat down next to Harry.  
“How, just,” Harry sniffled, his sobs starting to even out somewhat, “how do you two do it?”  
“Do what?” Niall asked.  
“Oh don’t ‘do what’ me, you know exactly what, how do you two put aside all doubts and,” he sighed, “how do you make it seem like nothing else matters?”  
Niall laughed, “Because honestly nothing else does matter.” he patted Harry’s shoulder, “I love him so much and I just don’t know what I would do if that ever changed, so I have to have blind faith that it won’t.”  
“But what if it does?” Harry responded quietly.  
“Ah, but what if it doesn’t?” Niall grinned from ear to ear. “Now, I know you didn’t show up at my house at 11 o’clock at night in the snow just to ask about MY relationship, so what happened?”  
“Louis.” Harry sighed the name like it was too heavy for his mouth.  
“Yeah,” Niall laughed again, “I deduced that much, go on.”  
And so Harry told him the story, how Louis had told him he love him when he first got to work, so Harry avoided him, and then again when they were on break, and Harry complained and Louis snapped. And also how he’d then gone on to sing the most beautiful version of Lego House he’d ever heard in his like and when he couldn’t take it any more, he just left.  
“And so you came here?” Niall questioned.  
“Apparently so.”  
And then Niall was quiet. Which, really, Niall was never quiet.  
“What?” Harry asked unsure.  
“Do you have any idea how fucking stupid you are?” asked conversationally.  
“Excuse me??” Harry stared back at Niall, who was just shaking his head.  
“He loves you. Like really proper loves you, probably more than Liam loves me, and yet your so worried about what might happen that you’re just, just throwing that away.” he scoffed, “And do you know why Harry? Do you know why you’re throwing away probably the greatest love I’ve ever seen?” He stood up, “Not because of Zayn, no,” Harry opened his mouth to talk but Niall continued, “yes, you were hurt, yes he broke your heart, but you know what? That’s not the problem. Everyone’s had a broken heart.” Niall pointed towards the front door, “You know Liam was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 3 years? Yeah, he felt like nothing and like he wasn’t loved for 3 YEARS. Don’t you think that was a little heart breaking? But you know what? He still loves me. He still puts faith in me every time. Of course he knows it could end bad, but that’s a risk he’s willing to take, because he knows I love him, and he trusts ME enough to not fuck that up.” Niall took a deep breath, “but you, Harry, you are just so cynical, you life is just ruled by this sense of cynicism, and you don’t even realise how much it hurts everyone around you.”   
“You think I don’t try?” Harry cut in, anger welling up from inside, “You think I don’t try to let it go and move on and just be with someone who makes me happy? Of. Fucking. Course I do. There is nothing I would like more than to just look into his eyes and believe that we’re can run off into the sunset and life happily ever after. But you know what? It’s bullshit. Happy ever after is bullshit. Perfection is bullshit.” he swallowed, “And love, love is the most bullshit of them all. Love is getting what you want as often as you can until it’s not enough and then moving on. So, I’m sorry, if I’m not willing to get my heart wrecked for that again.”   
“GOD, DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF?” Niall shouted back at him. “Love is bullshit? Then how the fuck can you have a broken heart, huh? Do you think you’re just the only one who has ever cared about someone, you’re just deeper than everyone else? Well you’re wrong. Because I know for a FACT that Louis loves you and truly cares about you.”  
“How do you know that ‘for a fact’?” he spat Niall’s own words back at him.  
Niall let out a small chuckle before staring right back into green eyes, “Because, after all the shit you’ve put him though, he’s still trying.”  
And that hit Harry harder than anything ever had before. Harder than that first stolen kiss, harder than the first ‘I love you,’ harder than every ‘I love you’ that was to follow. And all that time, all those things, the common factor that he had never put together. He had basically been doing to Louis what he had been trying to avoid the whole time. “I, but,” he started, fighting back the tears, “How do I fix it?” he took a breath trying to stay level, “Niall,now do I, how can I make things better? This, this isn’t what I wanted. I just wanted to not get hurt, I didn’t, I never realised that just meant it would have to be him and not me.” he wiped his eye with his knuckles, “So how do I make it better?” he managed to sob out.  
Niall put his hands on the younger boy’s shoulders, “How do you really feel, Harry?  If you’re really totally honest with yourself?”  
It was a simple answer and Harry knew that, he’d know it since the beginning, “I love him,” he blinked more tears away, “I love him so much Niall, more than I’ve ever loved anyone and it scares me so much but I don’t even care any more because.” he looked right into Niall’s eyes, that would never be the same blue to him as Louis’, “Because I love him.”   
“Well I’d start with that.” Niall smiled. And Harry knew it had to be okay. Because Louis loved him and goddamn it, he loved Louis.

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

 

Harry felt like he was walking on air as he walked back to New Hayvn. Because he wouldn’t have to stare into Lou’s hurting eyes, and feel guilt, he would get to look at Louis the way he had always looked at Harry, with so, so much love. So he walked with a bit of a skip, and he whistled and he didn’t even care that he didn’t have his coat, because he was warm with the feeling of love. And it really was warm, because this was love, as much as he’d tried to fight it off, and keep it back, it had won over, unlike before when he’s only been in love because he had tried so hard TO be.

Harry assumed that when he got there it would be just about closing time so he would be able to catch Lou just as he was getting off. When he walked up to the building however, it seemed like he was a bit off in his timing as the neon lighted sign was off, however the door was unlocked so he walked inside.  
“Lou?” Harry asked, as he spotted the older boy sitting in the spot light on the edge of the stage of the otherwise empty bar.  
Louis looked up and Harry could tell he had been crying, “Hi Haz.”

“What’s all this, Boo?” Harry asked, not sure why he was nervous.

“I’m just, Harry, I really suck at this.” And the he stood up onto the stage and walked to the back and pressed a button on the old worn out machine, causing the sound of a piano to start filling the bar.  
”At?” Harry’s words were caught in his throat.

He turned around and grabbed the mic from its stand before he started singing in barely more than a whisper.

  
 _Did I disappoint you or let you down?  
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?  
‘Cause I saw the end before we’d begun,  
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.  
_Harry took a step closer, not sure what to think. Louis’ voice was shaking and raw, but it still sounded as beautiful as it always did. _  
So I took what’s mine by eternal right.  
Took your soul out into the night.  
It may be over but it won’t stop there,  
_All the blood drained from Harry’s face.  
 _I am here for you if you’d only care._

Harry walked to the stage and Louis sat back where’d he had been on the edge.

 _You touched my heart you touched my soul._ __  
You changed my life and all my goals.  
And love is blind and that I knew when,  
My heart was blinded by you.  
I’ve kissed your lips and held your hand.  
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.  
I know you well, I know your smell.  
I’ve been addicted to you.

 

Louis grabbed Harry’s hand and held it tight as the tears began rolling down his cheeks, while Harry was still a little bit confused.

 _Goodbye my lover._ __  
Goodbye my friend.  
You have been the one.  
You have been the one for me.

 

No. This couldn’tbe goodbye, not now.

 

 _Goodbye my lover._ __  
Goodbye my friend.  
You have been the one.  
You have been the one for me.

 

And then Harry was crying as well, and holding Louis’ hand back just as hard.

 

 _I am a dreamer and when I wake,_ __  
You can’t break my spirit - it’s my dreams you take.  
And as you move on, remember me,  
Remember us and all we used to be  
I’ve seen you cry, I’ve seen you smile.

Louis wiped Harry’s eyes with his thumb.

 _I’ve watched you sleeping for a while._  
And they both chuckled a bit at the memory of Harry falling asleep on their first ‘date.’

 _I’d be the father of your child._ __  
I’d spend a lifetime with you.  
I know your fears and you know mine.  
We’ve had our doubts but now we’re fine,  
And I love you, I swear that’s true.  
I couldn’t live without you.

 

Harry’s sobs were now broken and he couldn’t keep them down, this couldn’t be right. They loved each other, how could it be like this? “Louis-” but he cut him off,

 

 _Goodbye my lover._ __  
Goodbye my friend.  
You have been the one.  
You have been the one for me.  
  
Goodbye my lover.  
Goodbye my friend.  
You have been the one.  
You have been the one for me.  
  
And I still hold your hand in mine.

He smiled weakly down at their interlocked fingers before looking back into Harry’s eyes.

 _In mine when I’m asleep._ __  
And I will bare my soul in time,  
When I’m kneeling at your feet.  
  
Goodbye my lover.  
Goodbye my friend.  
You have been the one.  
You have been the one for me.  
  
I’m so hollow, baby, I’m so hollow.  
I’m so, I’m so, I’m so hollow.

And Harry could see that. His eyes were tired and hurting, and he really did just look, hollow.

_I’m so hollow, baby, I’m so hollow._ _  
I’m so, I’m so, I’m so hollow._

 

“Louis…” Harry said, not even trying to stop his tears any more.  
“I’m so tired of trying to fix something beyond repair, Harry.” Lou said scrubbing at his face with both palms.  
“Lou, it’s not bey-“  
“Harry. Stop.” Louis sighed, and looked into Harry’s eyes, with so much sadness, a way Harry had never seen them before, “Do you have any IDEA, any fucking CLUE, what it’s like to see you everyday, and know that you don’t love me back?” Louis let go of Harry’s hand, ” yes, Zayn cheated, and you got your heart broken, once, I get mine broken EVERY. FUCKING. DAY. Every time you don’t say I love you back, yeah, that sucks, but every time you avoid me, because you don’t want to even HEAR me tell you that I love you, do you have any idea what that’s like? Because I do love you. I do SO MUCH. So much that I’ve been willing to let my heart get broken every day in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, one day you’ll learn to love me at least a fraction of how much I love you. I’ve been willing to try and help you get over you broke heart, but you can’t convince someone you love them if they’d prefer that you didn’t. You didn’t want to get hurt again? Well, you got your wish, it wasn’t your heart this time.” Louis’ eyes softened as if deciding whether to continue or not, “Haz,” he sighed, “I just don’t think I can do it anymore. I can’t go on being so close without any actual hope. You’ve shown me time and time again where your heart is, and I’ve tried to pretend someone like me could ever change that. So, I guess I should stop trying, but hey, that’s what you’ve wanted all along.” And then he pulled Harry in for one more kiss, filled with everything he had said, and everything he couldn’t, and everything he didn’t need to. And then he turned around and walked to  the front door, as Zayn had done to him all those months before, stopping at the door and turing back to the younger boy who’s words seemed to be stuck in his throat completely, with tears threatening to spill over before he was out the door, “Lock up when you leave, Haz.” and with that he closed the door and Harry could hear him sobbing all the way to his car.  
  
“But,” Harry finally managed to finally say out loud, long after Louis was out the door, “I love you.” but he would never get the chance to hear them, as he was already on his way to his own car crying over this boy that could never love him back.   
So Harry sat there against the stage, burning in the heat of the spotlight and freezing in the feeling of loss. And he though about life, and he though about love, and he thought about throwing up (as he really didn’t feel like doing anything else at the moment) and of course he thought about himself, and he thought about Zayn. But while it felt like it was almost the exact same situation as with Zayn, this was so entirely different. When he had left, Harry, through all the hurt and heartbreak, was able to find some anger to hold onto to keep him from falling into the abyss. Anger that ZAYN had left him, that ZAYN had cheated, that ZAYN wasn’t as heartbroken as he was, that ZAYN didn’t feel the hurt he did. But this time, Harry had none of that. It had been HIM that hurt Louis, HIM that wouldn’t love Louis back, knowing HE had put Louis through so much of the heartbreak he had gone through, and knowing Louis was just as hurt as him. And without that, there was nothing to keep him from falling into the darkness this time, nothing, and so he did just that, he fell, and he fell, and he fell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics are Goodbye My Lover by James Blunt.


	15. Chapter 15

 

Louis woke up at around 11 o clock and turned over to his other side. On his night stand was the picture he and Harry had taken on their trip back to London, taken from the top of the London eye, both of them smiling wide, like nothing else mattered. And then he rolled over and went back to his dreams where maybe not everything hurt.

When Louis woke again, it was dark out, so he stumbled out into the kitchen, threw open the fridge and grabbed himself a beer, because if he couldn’t be asleep, maybe a drunken stupor was the next best thing to make things stop hurting. He hopped up onto his counter and sat drinking, just to get drunk.

**i can hear u sulking from down here**

Of course Liam would find now an appropriate time to acknowledge they’re shared floor/ceiling. No, not when Lou needed to borrow an egg, or when he got locked in the bathroom, but when he felt like dying, of course Liam would be there to parent.

_Thanks for noticing._

He tapped back before he hopped down from the counter and grabbed another beer, though he hadn’t finished the first, and went to lay down on the couch. The couch, where Harry had slept that night he’d spent at Lou’s, and fuck, why did everything always hurt. He heard a knock at the door and didn’t bother to get up, knowing it would be Liam, who would just let himself in.  
“Hey, the sulking stopped.” Liam said with a bit of wonder as he opened the door and then saw Lou on the couch, “Oh, nevermind.”  
“What do you want, Li?” he took another swig from his bottle.  
“Uhm, don’t you think it’s a little, you know, sick,” Liam stood above him, “to be drinking? Alone? On a Tuesday?”  
“Fuck you, I’m upset.” finally a finial drink and opened the second bottle with the lip of the first.  
“Well, while that seems like an extremely valid reason, and not like alcoholism at all.” he swiped the beer from Lou, “We’re going to dinner.”  
“We who?” he grumbled.  
“You, me, Dani, and her friend, she’s in her dance class or something.”  
“Yeah, I think I’ll pass.” Lou pulled a blanket of over his legs and reached for the remote.  
“Yeah,” Liam grabbed it before Louis could, “I think that wasn’t a question.” he grabbed the blanket, “Go get dressed.”  
And as much as Lou had no energy to go out, he had even less energy to be spent fighting with Liam, so he sighed and pushed himself up from the couch towards his room.  
“Is Niall gonna be there?” Lou asked pulling a fresh, navy blue T-shirt on, and stepping into a pair of grey skinny jeans.  
“Nah, he’s got a guitar class Tuesday nights.” Liam called from the other room, and Louis could fucking swear he heard the smile on his face.  
“Oh,” he mumbled running his fingers through his hair, “sucks.” he mumbled, walking back into the living room where the slightly younger boy was texting (his boyfriend, by the look on his face.)  
“Ready?” Liam looked up at Louis and just rolled his eyes.  
“What?” he asked offended.  
“How is it possible for you to look that good after spending like 30 seconds getting ready?”  
Louis looked down, his shirt was sort of wrinkled, His pants sat weird on his hips and one of his Toms was scuffed up, and he knew for a fact his hair looked like shit, “Is that a trick question?”  
Liam sighed, “No, you look flawless. Whatever, ‘sgo.”  
They left their apartment building and Louis let Liam drive, because again, he had no strength to argue. They pulled into the New Havyn car park, and they could see Dani and some thin brunette just getting out of their car.  
“Dani!” Liam called out his window, pulling into the spot next to theirs.  
“Hellllllllllllo, Li!” she laughed and hugged the taller boy.  
“Question,” Louis said holding up a finger, “Do you spend ALL of your fucking time here?” the brunette let out a bark of laughter making Dani shoot her a glare.  
“No, LEWIS, I do not, this is just the only place that has blue moon on tap, granted I put that tap in, but still.” She rolled her eyes, “Oh, and this is Eleanor, she’s in my dance class and I thought I’d show her the pub.”  
“Nice to meet you.” Liam smiled and waved at her.  
“You too, and El is fine.” she smiled, “And you’re Lewis then?” El asked smiling, and Dani stared cracking up.  
“No, it’s Louis, or Lou,” he shot Dani a look, “Danielle just loves,to call me Leis because she knows how it bothers me.”  
“Oh we’ll, it’s nice to meet you Louis,” she laughed.  
“Mhmm.” he grumbled.  
“Alright, let’s go eat, I’m starved.” Dani started towards the door.  
As they sat down Louis sat with Liam on one side and El on the other, and as soon as Dani and Liam stared in the pie conversation about the last episode of Doctor Who, Louis knew it was going to be a long night.  
Their round of drinks came and El cleared her throat, making Lou glance at her.  
“So you work here too?” El asked.  
“Yep.” Louis mumbled, drinking a third of his beer in one go, as he had no interest in anyone that didn’t have chocolate curls and long fingers and a gravely voice, and  
“Oh that’s cool,” she smiled genuinely, “Are you going to school?”  
“Yeah.” he took another drink and pulled out his phone and scrolled through the pictures of him and Harry, Deciding if he had the heart to delete them. No.  
“Nice, for what?” he smile started faltering a little bit.  
“Theatre.” he said flatly. There was a long silence that cause him too look up at the girl who was looking at him like she was actually going to punch him I the nose. “What?” he asked.  
“You know what, whatever, you’re really being a cunt.” Both Dani and Liam stopped talking and looked over.  
Louis was slightly taken aback, before he centred himself enough to respond with a scoff, “I’m sorry, I’m not the one hitting on someone I just met.” He stared right into her eyes.  
“Hitting on?” she laughed, “Oh please. Sorry, I’m not into gay men.” Dani and Liam’s eyes pingponged between the two.  
“Who said anything about me being gay?” Louis added.  
“Well, you outfit just about screamed it,” she scoffed.  
Liam and Danielle looked back and forth as Louis and El’s eyes never left the other one. And then a smile cracked on Louis’ face, “I kind of does, doesn’t it?” and Liam and Dani exhaled at the same time and returned to their conversation, as El chuckled.  
“Yeah, a little bit.” she smiled.  
“Sorry about that,” Louis smiled apologetically, “I just, went through a really tough,” he hadn’t actually said the word yet, and wasn’t totally sure he could, “break-up,” his voice cracked, “so I’m not in the best of spirits.”  
“Well I’m sorry,” she frowned, “What happened?”  
“I would literally rather talk about anything else.” he said nodding his head. And so they did, they talked about anything and everything else, and Louis loved how easy it was, how much, in less than an hour, it was like they’d been best friends as long as Dani and Liam. And he reminded himself to thank Liam later for dragging him out.

—

Damn.  
DamnDamn.  
It probably wouldn’t be a big deal, seeing as he’d never been late before, but Harry was still practically sprinting towards the front door. He really just didn’t want to have to explain his tardiness to Dani as he assumed, ‘I spent my morning moping around my house trying to drink myself into oblivion and convincing my sister not to murder my ex-boyfriend, so I sort of lost track of time’ might not be a valid excuse.  
He ran in, and slip over the bar, making it to the time clock at 9:24. He turned around preparing to make some big long excuse to Danielle, but sitting there was a tall blonde guy with a book in his hand.  
“Uhm, Hi Matt.” Harry offered awkwardly. Matt was the other manager, but, as he only worked part time, and usually earlier shifts, Harry he worked there a good month before he even knew he existed.  
“Oh,” he looked up and closed the book, “Hi, what time does your shift start?”  
“Uh,” Harry rubbed his neck, “Nine.”  
“You know you’re late, right?”  
Harry actually let himself smile a little bit, “Yeah, I know, I was just, I had some personal st-“  
“Woah woah woah. See this?” he gestured up and down himself, “Not Dani, I give absolutely no shits about your promptness issues.” He smiled. “But you are starting karaoke tonight, right?”  
“Guess so.” Harry sigh, knowing it would be shit, and he really didn’t want to do it.  
“Okay. Well, you can work for the next like 10 minutes, I guess.” Matt looked down at his phone.  
“Yeah, alright, bye.” Harry said awkwardly and walked back out into the dining room. He was halfway across the room and then he saw Louis and his heart dropped. And then he thought about it, maybe now he could tell Lou, and maybe he could fix things, now that he did love him and could accept it. So he started towards the table, and then an arm made its way around Louis’ shoulders and Harry froze. Some thin brown-hair skank was draped around his should and laughing, and he was smiling right back.  
“Motherfucker.” Harry hissed to himself. He was being hurt? HE was? Well he seemed to get over it extremely quickly. Harry checked the time, 9:31, and turned around and went back towards the back room to prepare for his song. As hard as he tried there was no way he was going to be able to shake this anger from his vision, so, he though, might as well get a good song out of it. He flipped through the instrumental book until he found exactly what he was looking for, Track 1288.

Harry grabbed the mic and brought it right against his mouth, “Tonight I’ve got something special for you guys, something to really dance to,” he took a deep breath and tried to separate himself from the room, “This goes out to everyone that’s ever been fucked over.” he hummed out in his sexed out voice, causing Louis’ head to snap up towards him.

_Is it still me that makes you sweat?  
Am I who you think about in bed?  
When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you’re sliding off her dress?  
_His eyes shot towards the brunette that was still wrapped around Lou. _  
Then think of what you did  
And how I hope to God she was worth it.  
When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as your fingers touch her skin.  
I’ve got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck  
_He continued to glare down at Louis who looked like he was confused. __  
Than any girl you’ll ever meet, sweetie you had me  
Yes, I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of  
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?  
No, no, no, you know it will always just be me

_Let’s get these teen hearts beating faster, faster_  
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,  
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?  
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,  
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?

And much to Harry’s surprise, people actually did start dancing, gripping onto their date or boyfriend like they were possessed.

_So I guess we’re back to us, oh cameraman, swing the focus_  
In case I lost my train of thought, where was it that we last left off?  
Let’s pick up, pick up

He smirked at the way Louis shrugged the girl off of him, who looked from Louis to Harry and back and back again.

_Oh now I do recall, we were just getting to the part_  
Where the shock sets in, and the stomach acid finds a new way to make you get sick.  
I hope you didn’t expect that you’d get all of the attention.  
Now let’s not get selfish  
Did you really think I’d let you kill this chorus?

_Let’s get these teen hearts beating faster, faster._  
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,  
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?  
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,  
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?

_Dance to this beat  
_ He said it directly to Louis, who seemed to be now frozen in his seat, like it was a challenge. __  
Dance to this beat  
Dance to this beat

_Let’s get these teen hearts beating faster, faster.  
Let’s get these teen hearts beating faster._

He walked to the edge of the stage and knelt down to a guy staring up at him with the “fuck me” eyes he could pick out in a room all too well, and brought his hand to his neck.

_I’ve got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck_  
 _Than any boy you’ll ever meet, sweetie you had me_  
 _Yes I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of_  
 _Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?_  
He winked at the stranger before standing back up.  
 _No, no, no, you know it will always just be me_

_Let’s get these teen hearts beating faster, faster._  
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,  
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?  
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,  
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?

_So testosterone boys and harlequin girls_  
 _Dance to this beat_  
 _So testosterone boys and harlequin girls_  
 _Dance to this beat_  
 _And hold a lover close._  
He paused to stare directly at Louis and then smirk at him.  
 _Let’s get these teen hearts beating faster, faster._  
 _Let’s get these teen hearts beating faster._

—

Louis paced back and forth in front of the stage door, thoughts racing a million miles a minute.  
“What is WRONG?” El insisted, again. Louis had rushed off from the table as soon as Harry had finished his song, and El had followed after him, thinking he might throw up or something from the look on his face before he left.  
Louis was about to turn around and explain the whole thing when Harry burst through the stage door looking almost in tears. He saw Louis and immediately the sadness turned into anger.  
“What the fuck was that about?” Louis asked right in Harry’s face.  
Harry’s eyes flickered between Louis’ and El’s before the rage transformed once again, this time into a smirk. He laughed bitterly before spitting back at Lou, “Go fuck yourself.” and pushing past him.  
Louis turning and watched as he left, mouth agape.  
“Okay, what the fuck just happened?” El asked, reminding Louis that he was in public still, and he couldn’t just break down crying.  
“Such a long story.” he rubbed at his eyes.  
“Hey, come on.” he grabbed his arm, “It’s alright, do you wanna talk about it?” she asked lightly.  
“Yeah, sure,” he sniffled, “but can we, um, go somewhere?”  
“Of course,” she put and arm around his shoulder, “Come on.” she led him towards the door, stopping along the way to tell Dani and Liam they were leaving.  
Just as they were walking out the door Louis turned around and made eye contact with Harry, who looked simply broken. He turned back and walked out the door, eyes leaving Harry, who then walked into the back room and simply broke down again

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics are Lying Is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have without Taking Off Her Clothes by Panic! At The Disco.


	16. Chapter 16

 

Harry 9:58pm

He had left. No, not just in the metaphorical way that he had the night previous, no, he had quite literally walked out the door. Not to mention it had been with some skinny bitch wrapped around his arm and giggling in his ear. And it wasn’t the girl, no. If he set aside his anger, he was almost happy for Lou and that he had been able to find someone after having to put up with Harry’s bullshit. More than anything it was Louis telling him he still loved him and THEN just turning around to this bitch. But MOST, it was the look that Lou had just given him, like he wanted nothing more than exactly what Harry wanted, but the. He turned around and, well, left.  
  
“God, just when I thought I was done with this shit.” Harry mumbled to himself plopping down in the break room.  
“Uhm.” Harry turned around to see Matt still sitting in the corner with his book.  
“Oh, hi, I just.” Harry wiped his eyes. “It’s nothing.”  
“Well that’s obviously not true,” he stood up and moved over to where Harry was sitting, “what’s wrong?”  
“Nothing, it’s, it’s nothing.”  
“I know I always put on this ‘no fucks given’ air, but, I really am here if you need to talk, I AM human you know.”  
“It’s just,” he sighed, “boy problems.”  
“Ahhh, not really my department, but, you know, anyway, go on.”  
“Well me and Lou, we were together, an-“  
“Yeah, yeah, I know. You constantly make out in here.”  
“Uh, we’ll, we broke up.” Harry scratched at the peeling plastic on the break room table.  
“Oh, I’m sorry Haz, that’s tough.”  
“Yeah, and uh, it was totally my fault and stuff bu-“  
“Woah, woah, you can’t put that all on you.” Matt interrupted.  
“No, I just, I basically didn’t trust him enough, and it ended up ruining everything. But anyway, we broke up yesterday and he -seemed- fucking torn up about it, but, today…”  
“What?”  
“He was with some chick.” Harry felt himself deflate at actually saying the words out loud.  
“What do you mean with?” Matt asked in clarification.  
“Well, they were eating and talking and laughing,” he sighed, “and then they left together.”  
“Oh.” he said, “That’s rotten.”  
“Yeah,” Harry laughed because he couldn’t NOT. “just a bit.” he shook his head and placed it in his palms.  
“Well, did you ask him about it?”  
Harry looked back up at Matt “ask him about what?”  
“Well, ask him if that’s what really-“  
“Do you not believe me??” Harry almost shouted. “You think I just fucking made this up in my-“  
“HARRY.” Matt stood up, quieting the curly haired boy, “All I’m saying is it might not be what you think.” he walked back to the bar, leaving Harry alone at the table.  
Harry sighed and stood up from the table, making his way over to the employee lockers. He swung open the spare locker that was used for general supplies and snatched the bottle of paracetamol, dumping out half a dozen and throwing them down his throat. “Fuck.” he rubbed at his temples, trying to will the headache that had just appeared away, before giving up and going back out to the tables, just hoping time wouldn’t try to drag his night out even worse.  
  
—  
Louis 10:14pm  
  
“I must warn you, it’s a bit of a mess.” Eleanor laughed as she pushed open the door to her flat. As soon as the door was open, she tossed her keys, landing them perfectly in a basket on her counter. Louis followed her in and was a little bit shocked at how much of a contrast the room was to what El seemed. The walls were covered in pictures, of friends and family and also of places all over the world, and posters, mainly of Doctor Who with the occasional “High Functioning Sociopath” thrown in here or there. It’s was also quite messy, given the inhabitant, and yet it seemed like it was somehow very El. Not necessarily the girl he saw in front of him in 5 inch pumps, a dress and her hair up in a twisty bun, but the girl he had talked to at dinner.  
“Wow.” Louis mumbled looking around.  
Eleanor laughed, “So what’s going on?” she called back to Lou as she walked into one of the two doors along the wall.  
“I’m not entirely sure anymore.” He replied, he was unsure of where to sit, so he just continued to walk around and look at the room.  
“You can sit down you know.” She laughed passing by him on her way to the kitchen. Louis was glad she had been walking away from him, because he was  sure his eyes popped open when he saw her. In contrast to before, her hair was down around her shoulders and she was wearing pyjama pants and a Midnight Beast t-shirt that was two sizes too big. She walked back into the room with two beers in hand and held one out for Lou.  
“Who’s this?” Lou gestured at a picture that was laying on the counter, in which El has her hair down and aviators on and a blonde girl is kissing her cheek.  
“Oh,” she chuckled, “That’s Katy.” she continued to smile wide, “She’s doing a semester in America right now.”  
“Oh, is she your roommate or summat?”  
Eleanor bit her lip, trying to fight down another giggle, “Yeah she lives her,” she took another drink, “because she’s my girlfriend.”  
“What, oh.” Louis was surprised and then blushed, “Well now I feel like a proper ass.”  
“Why?” she continued laughing, falling back onto the couch.  
“Because of the whole, ‘hitting on me’ thing earlier.” he rubbed his neck, still standing awkwardly.  
“Oh, yeah,” she smiled, “well, it just wouldn’t have ever worked out darling.”  
He rolled his eyes and sat down next to her. “I’m fucking heartbroken.” he laughed.  
“I know.” she mumbled very seriously, looking at him with sad eyes. “So what WAS all that?”  
“I’m not really even sure.” Louis shook his head.  
“Okay, let’s take this real slow, WHO was that?”  
“Harry.” Louis sighed.  
“And who is Harry.”  
“The rough break up I just went through.”  
“Alright and why’d you two break up?” She asked.  
“I, just, I couldn’t do it any more…”  
“Like, you didn’t love him anymore?”  
“NO. No, I loved him so much, I, I still love him, but he didn’t love me back and-“  
“How do you know that?” she interrupted. “How do you know he didn’t love you back?”  
“Because whenever I said, ‘I love you,’ he didn’t say-“  
“Oh darling,” El rubbed his shoulder, “There is so much more to love than three words.”  
“Wait you mean, you think he actually-“  
“Why else would he be so upset when he thought you were with me?”  
“He what??” Louis stared up at her, “Why would he, how did you get, what?”  
“Of course.” She said very serious, “That’s gotta be why he sang that song.” She looked down at her bare feet, “Oh ged, and then we left together like, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to ru-“  
“Hey, woah woah, it’s not your fault. You didn’t know, I didn’t know, and he made an assumption, that had nothing to do with you.” Lou smiled through tears eyes, “And really thank you. Not for that obviously,” he corrected upon seeing the confusion on her face, “but for just, listening.”  
“No problem, babe,” she tapped his nose with finger, “Alright, you know what we’re gonna do?” she stood up again, “I’m gonna go grab the ice cream, make some popcorn, and we are gonna watch some horrible chick flick and have a good cry, and then maybe you’ll be more equipped to fix this, okay?” he nodded.  
“Hey El?” he sniffled, as she was just about to walk into the kitchen.  
“Yeah?”  
“Can we watch Titanic?” and Eleanor just laughed and continued into the kitchen.  
And of course, they did watch Titanic, and Louis cried, and Eleanor told him he was “such a girl.”  
  
—  
Harry 12:02am  
  
But of course, it had dragged on.  
Naturally it had been horribly busy, and all the people where inexplicably angry and rude, and Harry had only fed off of that, so by the time he clocked out he was about ready to burst.  
“Thank you.” Harry grabbed the shots Liam and Dani had in front of them as he sat down and threw them both back.  
“Well, rough day then?” Dani laughed reaching over the bar and pouring three more shots.  
“You’re a bit of a twat you know that?” He shot back at her with nothing but coldness in his eyes. He knew he wasn’t meant to be angry at her, but the fact that it had been someone Dani knew, probably was friends with, that Lou had left with, he couldn’t help but blame her.  
“Woah, woah,” Liam calmed, “What’s wrong, Haz?”  
“It’s just been a shit day.” he responded, throwing his third shot down.  
“And is that Dani’s fault?” he asked, always level, always calm.  
“Er, yeah, actually, just a bit.” He spat, and motioned to Matt, who was working the bar, for a beer.  
“The fuck did I do?” she asked, confused.  
“You didn’t,” Harry sighed, “You didn’t do anything I’m just really, I’m upset about Lou.”  
“… I’m still confused as to what this has to do with me.”  
“It doesn’t,” he gulped at his poison, his salvation, his way to oblivion, “I guess I was just, him leaving with that girl-“  
“Eleanor?” she asked.  
“Sure?” He took another drink, trying to hurry the numbing.  
“Wait,” Liam broke in, “did your song have anything to do with this?”  
“Obviously.” Harry laughed bitterly, “Perfect song choice though, innit?”  
“You have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about.” Dani said flatly.  
“Excuse me?”  
“Uhm, did you not hear me?” she stood up, and grabbed his glass, “You’re a moron, and you make blind assumptions when you have no fucking CLUE what you’re on about.” Harry opened his mouth to respond, when Danielle continued, “Lou is still totally in love with you, and he is totally fucking torn up about it.”  
“Then why’d he leave with some bitch?” Harry stood, towering over Dani.  
“He left with ELEANOR, who is one of the sweetest girls I know, because he wanted someone to talk to about it. Because you used to be that someone for him, that he could really talk to.” She slammed his pint back down on the bar, “AND, she has a girlfriend.”  
“She,” Harry sat again, “She what?”  
“Yeah. So quit fucking running your mouth, your self-consumed, insufferable cunt.” She sat back down and tossed back her own shot, and then Liam’s.  
“Well.” Liam, itched at his sleeve.  
“I’m so fucking stupid.” Harry mumbled.  
“There’s the first reasonable thing you’ve said all night.” Danielle scoffed.  
“I’m. What am I supposed to do now?” He looked up at Liam, eyes filled with fear and hurt and rimmed with tiredness.  
“Just, sleep on it okay, you look like you could use a night’s rest.”  
“Yeah, I guess, I’ll just, talk to him tomorrow.” Harry grabbed another pint from Matt. Since sleep wasn’t an option anymore, oblivion was going to have to do.  
The three sat there, mostly in silence, as Harry put away pints. After his 4th, Harry spoke suddenly, pulling his phone out of his pocket, “You know what, I’m calling him.” he picked his name out of his contacts and pressed call.  
“Harry, no.” Danielle reached towards him, trying to take the phone.  
“No, I, I, just need to talk to him, okay it’s,” he hiccuped, “it’s fine.”  
“And say what Harry?” she asked, “That your drunk out of your mind, but you really need to work things out? No. It can wait.”  
Harry pulled the phone away from his ear, looking at Lou’s face, and pressing the end button. “Yeah, okay.” he put his phone down on the bar and grabbed the fresh pint placed in front of him.  
  
—  
Louis 12:26am  
  
“I’VE JUST SEEN A FACE I CAN’T FORGET THE TIME OR PLACE WHERE WE JUST MET.”  
“JESUS H. TAP DANCING CHRIST!” El hopped up, scared by the sound.  
“Sorry, sorry! ‘smy phone, that’s my ringtone when I get a call from-” he stopped dead in his tracks. Why would he be calling? But he pulled out his phone and sure enough, Harry’s smiling visage was spread across the screen, the words ‘ _Incoming Call_ ’ flashing over it.  
“AND I WANT ALL THE WORLD TO SEE WE’VE MET, MMMMM.”  
Oh my God. I don’t know, I.” he threw the phone to El.  
“What am I supposed to do with it?” she waved the phone back at him.  
“FALLING, YES I AM FALLING.”  
“I don’t know!”  
“AND SHE KEEPS CALLING ME BA-  ** _bing_** ”  
Lou took the phone back in confusion, now reading ‘ _1 Missed Call._ ’  
“I guess he, hung up?” Louis more asked El than told her.  
“Alright, you can worry about that later.” she sat back down, snuggling into his side, “Right now, Leo DiCaprio is trying to save Kate Winslet’s life.”  
  
—  
Louis 1:54am  
  
“I hate to be THAT guy, but-” Eleanor sat up to look at the crying boy.  
“Don’t you say it. Don’t you dare.” Louis held up a hand.  
“Well, honestly ther-“  
“No! We are not going to have this conversation! Ever!” He threw his hands up.  
“THERE WAS OBVIOUSLY ENOUGH ROOM FOR BOTH OF THEM ON THAT DOOR AND YOU KNOW IT!!” she shouted at him.  
“THAT IS SO NOT THE POINT, EL.” He yelled back. There just stared at each other through the silence, letting the tension build, and then El giggled and the were both gone in a fit of laughter for the next 10 minutes straight.  
“Okay, okay,” El wiped her eyes, finally able to calm herself down, “I’m gonna get some sleep, you’re welcome to stay here if you want.”  
“Nah, I have to go, I have to, I don’t know, fix things I guess…” he trailed off.  
“Well, I hope it all works out, and maybe next time you wont be such an idiot.” She smiled and walked towards the front door letting Lou follow, and he was sure he heard her mumbles of, “I mean honestly, who leave a bar with some chick right after a breakup?”  
“Alright, goodnight babe.” she yawned and hugged him.  
“Goodnight and, just, thanks.” he hugged her back and then made his way, on foot, back home, which luckily, was less than a mile away.  
  
—  
Harry 2:12am  
  
“Hey,” Harry peeled his face off the bar, looking up at the speaker, Matt, “I’m closing up, kid,” Harry looked around at the empty room, then back at Matt who had his coat on and keys in hand.  
“Ok-hay, yeahshhhuree.” he stood up, and was immediately thrown to the ground, because apparently someone had turned gravity way up while he was out.  
“C’mon.” Matt held out a hand and helped Harry up, “You’re not driving.” he said as a statement, not a question.  
“I w-walk.” Harry pouted.  
“I don’t think you’re capable of it, mate.” he laughed. “I’ll give you a lift.”  
He was going to protest when someone spun the building around, leaving Harry to lose his balance, and only able to manage a “thanks.” as he helped him outside and into his car.  
They drove to Harry’s flat making boring small talk the entire way, and Harry giving directions that needed to be double and triple checked at every turn.  
“Tanks Matt,” Harry smiled, as he tried to get his car door open.  
“No problem, and Harry?”  
“Yeah?” the curly haired boy asked. Finally finding the handle, and releasing himself.  
“About earlier, just, be good to yourself, okay?”  
“Thank you, Matt.” he smiled again, this one less of a lie on his face, and he closed the door walking up to his house, only at the last second noticing Lou sitting on his step.  
“Lou.” he more breathed than said.  
“Who was that?” Louis asked, standing up.  
Now was Harry’s chance, to apologise about being afraid to love, and about the song, and about calling him, and just about everything really. But, of course, Harry was incapable of something so easy. “Why does it matter to you?” And with that he knew his chance had been destroyed.  
“Well excuse fucking me!” Louis threw his hands up, “Are you drunk Haz?”  
“No.” Harry protested.  
“Well I guess that’s true.” Louis stepped back, “You’re fucking trashed.”  
“Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be off with your little tart?” Harry spat back.

“Um, I WAS here to try and clear up whatever that stunt at the pub was about. But now I’m more here wondering who you’re coming home with some guy blast drunk at,” He looked at his watch, “2:25 in the morning.”

As much as Harry could tell he was angry, he could also see he was concerned. And for some reason, that pissed him right the fuck off. “Actually, I think it’s absolutely none of you goddamn business.” Harry hiccupped out. He was going to continue but the earth shifted again (that motherfucker) and he tumbled against his door, only being kept upright by Louis’ arms.

“Really? Because when you’re honestly a fucking danger to yourself, and I have to keep you from hurting yourself it becomes my business.” He said right in Harry’s face like he was a child.

“Well I didn’t ask you to come here, Lou!!” Harry shouted back pushing him away, but misjudged the force and fell to the ground.

“I know. I’m that’s not what this is about.” He held out a hand, “Here, let me at least help you inside.”

Harry hiccupped. “Alright.” Louis grabbed his hand and helped him inside and up to his room, he helped him get undress and into bed, then turned around and was headed for the door. “Wait, Lou, I.”

He turned around to look at the curly haired boy who look absolutely tiny at the moment, “Yeah?”   
”About, um, earlier, I didn’t know you two weren’t, I thought you had-“  
”Shhhhh,” Lou sat down next to him on the bed, “It’s okay, I know, I’m sorry too.” Harry reached to take his hand, and Lou moved his away before standing up. “But that doesn’t change things. Harry. You need to know that I love you. So much Haz. But you still. Do you know how horrible I always feel when I’m with you? Not just because you’re so much better looking that me, no I could live with that. Harry, it’s that I’m not good enough for you.”

“Lou.” Harry slurred, overcome by sleep and vodka, “You’re fucking perfect. You’re more than good enough for me, it’s me that’s not good enough.”

“Harry. It’s.” he swallowed. “I just can’t okay. Because it’s not okay. Everything’s so not okay anymore.” He opened the door, “Goodbye Haz.” And with that he left Harry all alone, again. For the third time in the last 24 hours. 

 

 


	17. Chapter 17

 

When Harry woke up, he’d would honestly rather have been dead.  
His head hurt, mainly from being so blast drunk last night, but also because he was just drowning in himself. He couldn’t decried it any other way, because the fact was that he was standing and everything around him was at his chin and rising. He rolled out of bed, not really wanting to dwell on that thought any longer. He walked down stairs and put the kettle on.  
“You didn’t put any water in there, you know that right?” Harry turned around.to see Gemma smirking.  
“Eh, fuck you.” Harry mumbled, removing the kettle front he stove and filling it up, then placing it back.   
“Well, aren’t you in a bright mood this afternoon.”  
“Afternoon?” Harry spun around to squint at his sister.  
“Uh yeah asshole, you’ve been asleep for ages.” she laughed, “But that’ll happen when you come home piss drunk at ungodly hours.”  
Harry checked the clock on the microwave, 14:27, “Jesus.” he mumbled. “And how the fuck does everyone in this house know everything??”   
At the moment Harry heard a horrible high pitched noise in his ears, causing him to clutch at them, “GOD, WHAT IS THAT, MAKE THAT STOP.”  
Gemma rolled her eyes and walked over to the stove, removing the kettle and pouring the boiling water into two cups. She grabbed the tea bags and place one in each cup. “God Haz, are you okay?” she handed him one of the cups.  
He accepted the cup and plopped down on one of the stools, “Uh, no, I’m hungover as all hell.”   
“Yeah, but I’ve been that hungover, and you, there’s something else, and I assumed you’d feel better now, be-“  
“Why would you think that?” Harry asked.  
“Well, because Lou brought-“  
“No.” he gripped his mug until his knuckles turned white.  
“Oh we’ll, I just though he had-“  
“Yeah, I thought so too.” he mumble into his tea.   
Gemma spun her mug around between her hands, “Well,” she finally spoke, “what did happen?”  
“I don’t know, I mean, I know he still cares,” Harry sighed, “I can tell he still cares, but I don’t think he believes that I care too.”   
“Well then show him.” Gem said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.  
“How am I supposed to do-“  
“I don’t care, he doesn’t care, that’s not what important, it’s the effort made. What’s something that’s always brought you two together?”  
“I. Oh, oh!” Harry stood up, grabbing his mug, looking like a light bulb had literally gone on over his head, “Thank you.” ha told her and ran upstairs, slamming his door behind him and getting right to work.

—

Louis was just trying to get a little bit mind-numbingly drunk before work, but apparently that’s too much to ask.   
“You shouldn’t make a habit of this.” Liam frowned as he walked into Louis flat with Niall, and saw Lou spread out on the couch working on his 3rd beer.  
“I also probably shouldn’t make a habit of doing things I horribly regret but I think it’s a little late for both of those.” Lou took another drink, “Besides what’s the big deal, it’s like 5 o’clock.”   
“Uhm, the big deal, is that you have to go to work. What if they find out, you could lose yo-“   
“Liam, I work at a bar.” Louis rolled his eyes and threw a bottle to Niall, after catching him eyeing the empties on the table.   
“That’s not the point.” Niall piped up, looking to Liam, as if asking for permission to drink, Liam nodded, “I however, am not driving, and don’t have to do anything for the rest of the day.” he opened his bottle and took a long drink.  
“But really Lou, you need to open up about it, you can’t always hide from the things that are bothering you.” Liam tried to put his hand on Louis’ shoulder, but he jumped up and turned to face the brunette, with fire in his eyes, “If you know so fucking much, then what should I do Liam, huh? How do I fix the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me, that I’ve fucked up twice now? Or, how to I get the love of my life to actually give a shit about me? An answer to either of these would be helpful, but you know what’s not, you coming in here and thinking you understand what I’m going through, so please. Just. Go.” he spat out, and pointed towards the door.   
Liam and Niall had both been caught off guard by Louis’ tirade, so just nodded at the older lad and walked out, “I,” Niall spoke as they were just out the door, “I hope things work out Lou.” he nodded and turned around and walked down the stairs, hand in hand with Liam.   
“Me too, Ni.” Louis whispered after he shut the door. He walked back to the couch and collapsed, falling asleep almost instantly, as his brain was already shut off.

Loins woke up to the sound of his alarm beeping from his room, announcing that it was 18:00 and he should start getting ready for work. He peeled his face from the couch and groaned at the ache in his muscles as he stood. he stretched, yawned, and contemplated his life, physiologically, for a little while, and then eventually made his way into his bathroom, turing the water on, and letting the room fill with steam. He shrugged off his sweatpants and boxers, and pulled his t shirt over head, then stepped into the spray of the water, and letting out a hiss when it burned to the touch. He turned it down only slightly, enjoying a bit of sting but not that would leave him red. After he finished bathing in the most minimal way he possibly could, he stepped out and towelled off, then made his way into his room. He blindly picked out a shirt and slacks, and then for the hell of it threw on some suspenders. “Good enough,” he ran his fingers through his hair and grabbed his keys as he made his way out the door.  
“Well. That seems like something he has a right to be-” Liam looked up as he saw Louis making his way down the stairwell where he had Niall sitting in his lap. “Oh, Uhm, hey Lou.” Niall looked up as well, then smiled sheepishly.  
“Hey guys,” Louis scratched at his head, “Uh sorry about blowing up like I did.”   
“No, it’s really okay, we shouldn’t have pressed you like that.” Liam said in his calming father voice.  
“We who, asshole?” Niall asked to Liam, who just rolled his eyes.  
“Anyway, I’m sorry you’re not feeling to great. And if there’s anything you need, I’m always here.” Li smiled.  
“And if you DON’T want to get some lecture on the dangers of drinking, I’m here for that.” Niall laughed.  
Louis smiled, “Thanks guys. I really. I appreciate it. Okay gotta go, work and stuff, you know.” he sighed playfully.  
“Bye LouLou!” Niall called, and Liam just smiled and hugged him closer.  
Louis smiled all the way to his car, and was actually feeling better enough that he was humming. He got into his car and reached to the glove compartment to get his sunglasses. But as he sat up he could smell the cologne Harry wore on his passenger seat. And it was like getting punched in the stomach. “It is going to be a long fucking night.” he mumbled to himself, whatever boost he’d gotten from fixing things with Niall and Liam totally destroyed.

Louis knew his shift started an hour before Harry’s so as that first hour rolled by he started to panic. Not because he thought something would happen, but because he knew nothing would. He knew he would see Harry and Harry would see him but nothing would change. And sure enough at 8 on the dot Louis saw the unmistakable curls walk through the door and busied himself with anything else.  
“Lou…” he heard from behind him.  
“Harry,” he turned, but kept his eyes from meeting the younger boy’s, “it’s alright, we don’t have anything to talk abo-“  
“No but Lou-“  
“Really Harry, it’s okay, I have to work.” Louis turned back to the glass he was washing.  
Harry stood there silently for a few seconds and then went into the back room. Louis turned around and saw he had gone and sighed, leaning against the bar and then sliding down into a sitting position. He breath deliberately, in through his nose out through his mouth, trying to fight his tears back, and wiping furiously at the ones that did beat his control.

—

Harry sat down in one of the chairs in the staff room and tried his best to just breathe, clutching to the lyrics he scrawled down for dear life.   
“You okay?” dani asked from the opposite end of the room.  
“Uhm not really.” Harry answered honestly, “but, I think I might be able to fix it.”  
“Fix, wait what?” Dani asked confused.  
“I, I don’t know.”  
“Okay, we’ll, Uhm, go fix it then?” she suggested.  
“But what if it’s not that easy?”  
“Harry, if you think it’s worth fixing, and you can make ANY effort, do that shit.”  
“Okay.” he nodded. “You still don’t know what we’re talking about, do you?”  
“No idea.” she smiled.  
“Well thank you anyways.” he smiled. Harry walked onto the stage, notebook paper and guitar in hand, not sure whether he wanted to cry or pass out. “Uhm, hi guys,” Everyone turned to listen to what Harry was saying to them, except the one person he was actually talking to, who just continued mixing drinks, his jaw clenched. “I hope you don’t mind, but I wrote a song. So if you’ll just indulge me, this song is for someone who I’ve really fucking things up with, and someone who I’ve honestly been pretending with, and who,” Harry sighed, with content, with contempt, with every single thing he was feeling, “someone who I’m totally in love with.” Louis almost dropped the drink he was pouring, staring up at Harry, his mouth agape. Harry locked eyes with his and began strumming, speaking directly to Lou the entire time.

_Said i’d never leave ya cause your hands fit like my tshirt,_   
_Tongue tied over three words, cursed._   
_Running over thoughts that make my feet hurt,_   
_Bodies intertwined with your lips_

Lou looked down for a second, realising he’d dropped a glass, but then Harry started singing again, and it didn’t matter, because he didn’t have the energy to do anything, aside from keeping from throwing himself on stage and weeping in Harry’s arms.

_Now he’s feeling so low since he went solo_   
_Hole in the middle of my heart like a polo_   
_And it’s no joke to me_   
_So we can we do it all over again_

Harry pleaded, on the verge of tears, but then again, so was Lou.

_If you’re pretending from the start like this,_   
_With a tight grip, then my kiss_   
_Can mend your broken heart_   
_I might miss everything you said to me_

And Lou actually chuckled because the words were so Harry. To use words like miss, because he knew Harry missed him, but at the same time, he knew he didn’t understand what his said, he had missed a lot of it.

_And I can lend you broken parts_   
_That might fit like this_   
_And I will give you all my heart_   
_So we can start it all over again_

_Can we take the same road two days in the same clothes_   
_And I know just what you’ll say if I make all this pain go_   
_Can we stop this for a minute_   
_You know, I can tell that your heart isn’t in it or with it_

_Tell me with your mind, body and spirit_   
_I can make your tears fall down like the showers that are British_   
_Whether we’re together or apart_   
_We can both remove the masks and admit we regret it from the start_

But how could Louis just let him back in. And that’s when he realised what his mask was, Harry had never left his heart.

_If you’re pretending from the start like this,_   
_With a tight grip, then my kiss_   
_Can mend your broken heart_   
_I might miss everything you said to me_

_And I can lend you broken parts_   
_That might fit like this_   
_And I will give you all my heart_   
_So we can start it all over again_

_You’ll never know how to make it on your own_   
_And you’ll never show weakness for letting go_   
_I guess you’re still hurt if this is over_   
_But do you really want to be alone?_

And then Louis let go. Because Harry knew. He knew Lou didn’t want to stand down, because it made him felt week, because he knew he was hurt, he knew he was alone. But it didn’t matter.

_If you’re pretending from the start like this,_   
_With a tight grip, then my kiss_   
_Can mend your broken heart_   
_I might miss everything you said to me_

_And I can lend you broken parts_   
_That might fit like this_   
_And I will give you all my heart_   
_So we can start it all over again_

_If you’re pretending from the start like this,_   
_With a tight grip, then my kiss_   
_Can mend your broken heart_   
_I might miss everything you said to me_

_And I can lend you broken parts_   
_That might fit like this_   
_And I will give you all my heart_   
_So we can start it all over again._

And it was a promise.

—

Harry walked out the stage door, heart thudding out of his chest, because 1) he’d just been on stage, and 2) he’d just written a song for the guy he was entirely in love with and wasn’t sure how he’d felt about it, but not necessarily in that order.  
“Hey.” Harry turned around to see Louis leaning against the wall. “That was, beautiful.”  
“Thanks.” Harry tries to say but it ends up as just a whisper.  
“Did you really, do you,” Louis swallowed, “are you really in love with me?”  
“Lou. I meant every word of that. I love you so much, and every day that I wake up with out you in my life is a day I don’t want to live through. I am so in love with you and it hurts so much that it took me this long to realise it. But even more, it hurts me to know what I put you through. But Lou I’m so done with hurting and I just want to be with you, and of you give me a chance, I will make protecting you and caring about you my only duty an-” Louis giggled. Harry stared back at him hard, confused.  
“You said duty.” Louis smiled.  
“Really. Really. I’m in the middle on a beautiful monologue, and you feel the need to stop me and laugh at the word DUTY. How, YOU. How very, very you.” Harry shook his head and rolled his eyes but couldn’t keep himself from smiling, because, well, it was Lou.  
Louis walked over to where the younger boy was standing and placed a hand on either cheek, letting Harry rest their foreheads together. “I love you.” Louis closed his eyes with his words.  
“And I love you, too.” Harry smiled, ducking slightly more to bring their lips together as he had so missed doing.  
“The FUCK did I miss?” both boys turned around to see Danielle Just walking into the room with a tray of dirty glasses, looking puzzled. And both boys laughed, and it was sweet, and funny, and light, and just perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics are Over Again by One Direction


	18. Chapter 18

 

“I swear to God Louis Tomlinson, if you are don’t answer your fucking phone I will throw away every pair of suspenders you own. And don’t think I won’t, they’re in my boot as we speak.” Harry ended the voicemail and put his phone back into his pocket. They had been together a year now, one year of laughter, one year of smiles, and apparently, one year of LOUIS IS INCAPABLE OF ANSWERING HIS GODDAMN PHONE. He and Lou had made plans to have dinner at New Hayvn, back where they met, and, really, where just about every important step in there relationship had happened, thus far. Neither had worked there for some time now as Lou had become the assistant director for a youth theatre company, and Harry had found a part-time job as a DJ for the campus radio when he had started his classes at the University. However it still held a very special place in their hearts, as it had been what brought them together. Harry tried calling his boyfriend one more time before he threw he phone into his pocket and stormed inside to escape the bitter cold.  
As soon as he eased in the door, the entire place went silent, and a spot light (wow, they’d finally gotten that thing replaced) shone down on the stage to show Lou there, and as soon as he could think to even say anything the music began, and Louis grabbed the mic out of the stand.

 _Do you hear me? I’m talking to you_  
Across the water across the deep blue ocean  
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I’m trying

Danielle, who did still work there, but was now a co-owner, held out a mic for Harry to take, and with a sigh he did and made his way to the stage as he sang back to the love of his life.

 _Boy I hear you in my dreams_  
I feel your whisper across the sea  
I keep you with me in my heart  
You make it easier when life gets hard

Harry reached the edge of the stage and Lou held his hand out with a smirk and helped him up.

 _I’m lucky I’m in love with my best friend_  – they sang together, Louis taking the high part, as per the usual whenever they sang together.  
 _Lucky to have been where I have been_  
Lucky to be coming home again  
Ooh ooh ooh

Louis laughed, and mouthed an ‘I’m sorry’ to Harry with a wink, Harry just rolled his eyes and continued.

_They don’t know how long it takes_

_They don’t know how long it takes_ , Harry echoed

_Waiting for a love like this_

_Every time we say goodbye_

_Every time we say goodbye_ , Harry began this time, Louis taking the echo.

_I wish we had one more kiss  
I’ll wait for you I promise you, I will_

_I’m lucky I’m in love with my best friend_  
Lucky to have been where I have been  
Lucky to be coming home again

 _Lucky we’re in love in every way_  
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed  
Lucky to be coming home someday

 _And so I’m sailing through the sea_  
To an island where we’ll meet  
You’ll hear the music fill the air  
I’ll put a flower in your hair

Louis winked and pulled gently at on of Harry’s curls.

 _Though the breezes through trees_  
Move so pretty you’re all I see  
As the world keeps spinning ‘round  
You hold me right here, right now

Harry blushed a little at the words, as it really was true, Lou was always the one to keep him in the here and now, and stop from over-thinking everything.

 _I’m lucky I’m in love with my best friend_  
Lucky to have been where I have been  
Lucky to be coming home again

 _I’m lucky we’re in love in every way_  
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed  
Lucky to be coming home someday

The entire room filled with laughter as they walked off stage, and into their old staff room.  
Louis laugh, causing the curly-haired boy to raise an eyebrow at him. “I just, the memories in this room. You know?”  
Harry smiled, he did know. He grabbed the elder boy’s hand, “Come on. We should get going; I’d like to get SOMETHING done today.”

—

They pulled up to the five story building and sighed in unison, with opposite inflections.  
“We’re here.” Louis smiled.  
“We have to walk up three flights of stairs.” Harry grumbled.  
Louis laughed getting out of the car, “Thank you, Mister ‘Glass-Half-Empty.’” He came around and opened Harry’s door, which still brought a blush to Harry’s cheeks, “If you like, you can sleep in the car.”  
Harry rolled his eyes and pushed himself out of the car, Louis closing it behind him. “You could carry me.” He batted his eyes and stretched his arms out towards Louis like a child.   
Louis scoffed, “One, is that really the first impression you want to give the people here? And two, do you really think I physically COULD carry you?”

“Whatever.” The curly haired boy pouted, but eventually let his excitement take over and grabbed Lou’s hand pulling him towards the stairs. They walked to the 4th floor and down the hallway to number 438, holding hands tighter and tighter with each step.

“You gonna open the door there, Haz?” Louis asked after they’d just stood there for a while.

“Lou, I just. This is a big thing, I mean, are you sure th-“

“Oh God, kid. Just open the door and quit thinking.” Louis smirked taking the key out of Harry’s hand and kissing him hard against the door. He opened the door, watching amusedly as Harry stumbled back, barely keeping on his feet.

“Arse.” The taller grumbled.

“I know.” Lou laughed pulling him back into his arms, “This is it, you know? We officially here.”

“I do know.” Harry laughed, staring down at the older boy, “I love you, Loobear.”

“And I, you Hazza.” He smiled. “Come  on, let’s go to bed.” He laughed and pranced towards THEIR room with excitement. It obviously wasn’t the first time they’d slept in the same bed, actually, Harry had made a habit of spending the night at Louis’ for the past couple months. However now it wasn’t Harry spending the night, it was THEIR bed, THEIR flat. Harry followed behind him smirking at how much of a little cupcake he could be sometimes. Louis stopped suddenly in the doorway and Harry didn’t and just ran into him with an “ummff”

“I can hear your smirking, asshat.” Louis rolled his eyes and continued walking.

“Well, it’s not my fault you’re a princess.” He mumbled, and as Lou turned around to protest, picked him up and threw them both down onto their bed.

“Oi now!” Louis warned non-threateningly.

“Oh come ‘ere.” Harry pulled him into his chest, snaking one arm behind his neck.

“I really did mean it you know.” Lou whispered into his shoulder.

“Mean what?” Harry stepped back to look at him.

“I really so lucky to be in love with my best friend.”

Harry rolled over to feign a shocked expression, “You’re in love with Liam??” Well, I guess I should have known…”

Louis rolled his eyes again, “Moron.”

Harry pulled Louis close and kissed him on the forehead. “Ah yes, but I’m YOUR moron.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics are Lucky by Jason Mraz


End file.
